


Fractured Pieces of You and Me

by slf630



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Hurt Jensen Ackles, M/M, Switching, Temporary Amnesia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-29
Updated: 2015-07-29
Packaged: 2018-04-11 20:56:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 30,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4452074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slf630/pseuds/slf630
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jensen is struggling with the storyline for season six. An accident on set leaves Jensen without his memories, has him believing he’s Dean and has Jared struggling between trying to get his co-star/best friend/boyfriend back and trying to keep Dean from leaving him for good.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fractured Pieces of You and Me

**Author's Note:**

> This story does contain bearding. It is also a work of fiction. No harm is meant to Jared, Jensen, their wives or families.
> 
> Thanks to my artist, my beta, my cheerleaders/handholders, and the amazing mods.

 

Jared looks up from his copy of the script he was reading, smiling when he sees Jensen leaning against the door, hands pushed into the pockets of his jeans. Jared knows that Jensen's been overly stressed the last few weeks between his first time directing – which he was  _amazing_  at, though Jared had no doubts he would be – and the stress of the new season and having to go forward without Kripke – that bothered them both though no one said anything – and the fact that Sam wasn't  _Sam_. It changed the dynamic between them, changed the way Jensen played Dean, the way he interacted with his brother while not sure he really  _was_  his brother.  
  
Setting the pages aside, Jared stops the treadmill and grabs a towel, wrapping it around his shoulders as he closes the distance between them. Jensen goes into his arms easily, his forehead resting against Jared's chest despite the sweat.  
  
“Ya okay, babe?” Jared asks softly, rubbing one hand up and down Jensen's back.  
  
Jensen nods his head twice then shakes it back and forth. Jared smiles softly, a little sadly, and pulls Jensen closer. He knows exactly what's wrong, what's on Jensen's mind. Hell, he feels the same way. He hates when the brothers fight but it kind of always seems to hit Jensen harder. Especially the physical fights.  
  
Jensen sighs and tilts his head back, looking up at Jared. His eyes are kind of dull and haunted and Jared loves that Jensen is so passionate about their show but he wishes sometimes that it didn't get to him so badly, that Jensen didn't  _let_ it get to him so badly.  
  
“Wanna talk about it?” Jared murmurs, still rubbing Jensen's back.  
  
“No,” Jensen sighs, rolling his eyes at himself. “You... I'm fine. You know how I get sometimes...”  
  
“I do,” Jared agrees. “And I love you for it.”  
  
“'s that all you love me for?” Jensen asks, slight tease in his tone but it's half-hearted.  
  
“Maybe there's a few other things...” Jared grins, waggling his eyebrows, willing to let Jensen have the change of subject if he needs it.  
  
Jensen smiles at him but it doesn't quite reach his eyes. Jared dips down and presses a kiss to the side of Jensen's lips then pulls away, swatting Jensen on the ass. “Gimme a few to take a shower and then we can grab some dinner...” Jared trails off, looking back over his shoulder when he realizes that Jensen isn't following him out of the garage like he thought. Jensen's watching him, the most heartbreaking look on his face and Jared honestly doesn't know what to do. Determined to try and keep things light and normal – once Jensen shakes this he'll kick Jared's ass if Jared babies him – Jared smirks and reaches out, grabbing Jensen's wrist. “Wanna come with? Wash my back for me?”  
  
The smile Jared gets in return is bigger and brighter and actually reaches Jensen's eyes and it warms Jared's heart. Tugging playfully, Jared drags Jensen out of the garage and up the stairs toward the bathroom.  
  
  
Jensen finds himself unable to resist a chuckle at Jared, essentially dragging him up the stairs and into the bathroom. The anger and frustration and all the negative shit is still there in the back of his mind but, like he knew would happen, just being around Jared, just seeing him smile, makes it all a little easier to deal with. He's never really been method before but there are times with Dean that it just feels like there is no real disconnect between the two of them. Jared is always able to pull him out of both his own and Dean's head.  
  
They strip down in silence and Jared reaches into the stall to turn the water on. Jensen lets his gaze travel down Jared's sweat-slick back then down over the gentle curve of his ass. It's nothing he hasn't seen thousands of times in the past – hell, it's not even something he hasn't already seen  _today_  – but he never has been able to resist ogling Jared any chance he gets.  
  
Jared glances over his shoulder, smirking, and Jensen shrugs one shoulder, not ashamed at all of being caught. Jared laughs brightly and steps into the shower, one long arm reaching out, slender fingers curling around Jensen's wrist. He goes easily when Jared tugs him forward, ending up under the spray of awesomely hot water, Jared's arms wrapped around him.  
  
Jensen sighs and feels himself relax the rest of the way, leaning against Jared's broad chest. Jared cups one hand behind his head and just holds him, instinctively knowing just what Jensen needs like always. Jensen presses a kiss to Jared's chest, right over his heart, then turns his head, listening to the steady, even rhythm for a few long moments.  
  
“I love you,” Jensen whispers.  
  
“Love you, too,” Jared murmurs, nuzzling his nose through Jensen's hair.  
  
They're both half-hard, just from the feeling of warm, familiar skin pressing together, but for the moment, Jensen doesn't want to do anything about it, too content just being wrapped in Jared's comforting embrace. Considering Jared isn't making a move either, Jensen is sure he feels the same way.  
  
He does pull his head back enough to lean up and press a kiss to Jared's lips, slow and easy. Jared hums happily into the kiss and slides his hands down over Jensen's back, to the top of his ass then back up again, over and over, feather-light and rhythmic. It feels amazing, soft and sensual, and even though Jensen knows that Jared doesn't mean it as a precursor to anything, his body still responds.  
  
Jensen pulls away with a gasp, his hands sliding up Jared's chest to his shoulders. Jared smiles down at him, his hands sliding down over Jensen's ass. Jensen chuckles when Jared playfully waggles his eyebrows, his hips grinding forward just slightly. Jensen nods, a barely-there jerk of his chin and Jared dips down, slamming their lips together once again. It’s hot and messy, more teeth and tongue than lips, and so achingly good. Jensen pushes up into the kiss, his hands ending up fisted in Jared’s hair, Jared’s hands gripping his hips like iron bands. Jared pushes him back against the cool, wet tiles, huge body seeming like it is towering over him and Jensen shudders.  
  
Then suddenly Jared pulls away. Jensen opens his eyes, barely biting back a whine. Jared looks at him for a few long seconds, searching his eyes, and Jensen has to fight to stop himself from looking away. He’s still a little too deep in his head and Jared knows him too well, will see right through him.  
  
Instead of saying anything, or pushing  _him_  to say anything, Jared drops to his knees. Jensen doesn’t even try to bite back a moan, their eyes locked together as Jared leans forward and nuzzles his nose against the heavy swell of Jensen’s balls. Jensen cards his hands through Jared’s hair again, pushing the wet strands away from his face. Jared hums softly and turns his head, his tongue darting out to lick up the underside of Jensen’s cock.  
  
“Fuck,” Jensen hisses. He fights the urge to close his eyes, wanting to watch Jared, can never get enough of seeing Jared on his knees like this, lust and love clear as day in those champagne-hazel eyes, his cheeks tinged pink with arousal.  
  
Jared licks his lips then slips them over the head of Jensen’s cock, sliding down his stiff shaft, taking him in as far as possible. Jensen groans, his fingers tightening around the wet curls of Jared’s hair, his cock throbbing and leaking against Jared’s tongue. Jared doesn’t tease, instantly sets up a fast, dirty pace, bobbing his head, his fist working what he can’t quite fit. Jensen can already feel warmth pooling in his stomach, the base of his spine, and he’d be embarrassed if it didn’t feel so Goddamn good. Jared brings his other hand up and palms Jensen’s balls, rolling the arousal-heavy flesh and tugging gently, tips of his fingers brushing randomly against the sensitive skin behind his sac and Jensen honestly can’t even hope to hold out.  
  
“Baby, ‘m gonna,” he pants, gently tugging on Jared’s hair.  
  
Jared blinks up at him, humming softly, and lets his jaw go slack. Jensen groans and pushes forward, just slightly, and Jared’s eyes flutter before locking on his once again. Jensen carefully thrusts his hips a few times, his release rushing through him hard and fast as Jared swallows around him, his throat clutching around the head. He cries out, damn-near bending in two, as he comes. Jared hums and gladly swallows everything Jensen has to give, pulling back until Jensen’s cock is just resting on his tongue, using his hand to milk every last drop.  
  
Jensen’s still panting, his chest heaving and his heart feels like it is about to pound right out of his chest but he still reaches for Jared, wrapping his arms around him as soon as he’s standing. Jared kisses him again and Jensen can taste himself on Jared’s tongue and he pushes deeper, chasing the taste. Jared’s hard against his hip, leaking, and Jensen slides his hands down Jared’s back to his ass, squeezing, encouraging Jared to thrust against him.  
  
“C’mon, Jay,” he breathes against Jared’s lips. “Make yourself come for me, baby.”  
  
Jared leans heavily against his chest, his face buried in Jensen’s neck, mouthing wet and sloppy against his pulse as he grinds against his hip. “Jen,” Jared moans softly, fingers digging in hard enough to bruise.  
  
“C’mon,” Jensen repeats, tightening his arms around Jared, rocking up against him, trying his best to help push him over.  
  
Jared cries out when he comes, his whole body trembling, Jensen’s hold the only thing that seems to be keeping him standing. Jensen holds him close, kissing whatever part of Jared’s shower-warm skin he can, murmuring softly, mostly meaninglessly. Jared hums and nuzzles under his jaw and Jensen can feel his smile and finds himself smiling in return.  
  
“Wanna get outta here and get some food?” Jared asks softly, pulling away just enough to look up at Jensen. “Then snuggle up on the couch and watch bad TV?”  
  
“Sounds awesome,” Jensen grins, pressing one last kiss to Jared’s lips before they pull apart to actually wash up.  
  
  
Despite their amazing night together, Jensen is still in a dark mood the next day. Jared knows that some sex – no matter how awesome – dinner and conversation won't be enough to shake this completely, that Jensen won't be back to  _Jensen_  until Sam is Sam again, but he'd still hoped that the good mood he'd managed to get Jensen into last night would have lasted at least a little longer.  
  
Shitty thing is, Jensen's mood works great for the tension on the show and he's downright chilling as Dean right now. Jared still hates it. Jensen is talented enough to pull off Dean's darkness and anger and frustration and fear without having to go there himself.  
  
They film the fight scene between them first that morning, wanting to make sure they're fresh and not tired from filming all day, needing to make sure that they can remember their training and not make any stupid mistakes. It goes well but when they call cut and wrap the scene, Jensen pulls away from Jared and jumps up, stalking away like his ass is on fire. Jared sighs and collapses against the floor, staring at the ceiling, unsure for the first time since he met Jensen if he should go after him.  
  
After a short break, which Jared suspects is more for Jensen's benefit than anything, they move onto the next scene. They shoot a bit with Serinda then shoot the scene where Sam and Dean are thrown backward and knocked out. It's a simple scene, one they've done a hundred times – hell they don't even bother to call Todd and Mike – but something goes wrong.  
  
Terribly, heart-stoppingly wrong.  
  
Jared hits the mat and lies there for a second, stunned a bit – which is normal – and lets them get the shot. He heard a muffled grunt and the slight crack of something hitting concrete but it's not until he pushes himself up and looks at Jensen does he realize just what he heard. And how fucking bad it is.  
  
Jensen's eyes are closed and his chest is barely rising and falling but what has Jared scrambling to his knees and screaming for help is the blood puddling beneath Jensen's head. Jensen had just barely missed that mat, the back of his head hitting the concrete floor instead.  
  
There's a flurry of activity, people rushing toward them and shouting things, but Jared can't hear or see anything. He grabs Jensen's hand in his own shaky one and leans down, tears streaming unnoticed down his face. “Jensen,” his voice cracks, his throat tight, “c'mon, babe. Open those eyes for me. Please? C'mon, need to see you, need you to be okay.”  
  
Hands pull him away and Jared sees a flash of concerned faces, thinks he recognizes Brad and Phil and maybe even Bob, but Jared still fights, trying to get back to Jensen, terrified that if he's not there, Jensen won't hang on until they can get him help. He nearly gets away but then he's enveloped in huge arms and he can hear Clif murmuring against his ear, telling him that he needs to calm down and let them get to Jensen, let them take care of him. Jared slumps in the big man's arms and watches as two EMT's – Jared didn't even hear the ambulance – load Jensen on a stretcher and wheel him away.  
  
“I... I have to go,” Jared croaks out, trying to pull away from Clif, “'m his medical proxy and power of attorney... Clif, I have to be there.”  
  
“I know, Jare,” Clif nods but still doesn't let him go. “I'll drive you, okay? But you have to calm down.”  
  
Jared inhales deeply and exhales shakily and Clif finally releases him. The ride to the hospital is silent and Jared's thinking about what all he has to do, the calls he needs to make. He does nothing. He absently hears Clif tell him that Bob called Eric and Sera and they're both on their way and he asks if Jared wants him to call Jensen's parents. Jared swallows thickly and shakes his head. He'll do it. He just... needs a minute to think of what to say.  
  
When they get to the hospital, Jared fills out all the paperwork on autopilot. Of course they won't let him back there yet so he takes a moment and steps outside, knowing that he needs to call the Ackles but dreading it just the same.  
  
Instead of dialing his boyfriend's parents he finds himself calling Genevieve. His voice breaks when he tells her what happened but his eyes are dry. He stopped crying in the SUV on the way here and it's like something broke inside him and he even though he can feel the tears right there, they won't fall. Gen tells him that she'll take care of calling Danni and then the two of them will hop a plane and be there as soon as possible. Jared wants to tell her that they don't need to but he can't. He may not love Gen as his wife but she's one of his best friends and he kind of needs all the support he can get.  
  
A few minutes after he hangs up with Gen his phone rings and he almost doesn't answer when he sees that it's Danneel. His relationship with Genevieve may be completely fake but at one point Jensen and Danni really were dating. And there's a part of him that thinks she still harbors feelings for Jensen. Not that he can really blame her for that.  
  
She's crying and Jared tells the story again, even though he's sure Gen told her. Danni tells him that she and Gen will be there within a few hours and offers to call Christian, Steve and Jason. Jared honestly hadn't even thought of them.  
  
Unable to put it off any longer and unwilling to spend much longer outside just in case, Jared screws up what nerves he has left and calls Jensen's parents. Donna answers and Jared's throat clenches, the tears he hasn't been able to shed closer to the surface, stinging his eyes.  
  
“Momma Ackles,” he croaks out and he hears her inhale sharply.  
  
“Jared? Sweetheart, what is it?”  
  
“There's been an accident...” For the third time in ten minutes Jared finds himself reliving the horror of seeing Jensen unconscious, bleeding, barely breathing. Donna starts crying so hard that Alan has to take the phone away from her. Jared hates that he can't answer any of their questions but he doesn't know anything yet himself. Alan promises to call Josh and Mac and then tells Jared they'll be on the first flight out.  
  
“Hang in there, son,” Alan murmurs gruffly. “We'll be there soon.”  
  
Jared hangs up with a shaky good-bye and before he even realizes that he's doing it, he's dialing a familiar number. The tears finally slide free when he hears his mom's voice.  
  
“Momma,” he whimpers, sliding down the wall outside the ER that he'd been leaning against.  
  
His momma listens to him cry then stammer through the story for the fourth time. To his surprise, she tells him that she and his dad will be there as soon as they can book a flight. Just like with Gen he wants to tell her it's not necessary but it actually is. He can't do this on his own, needs all the friends and family he can get.  
  
Jared finally wanders back into the ER and flops down in the seat next to Clif. He doesn't know how long he sits there, staring at the wall but he's distantly aware of people starting to show up, cast and crew and while Jared knows they mean well, he just kind of wants to be left alone, can't stand the questions or the pitying looks. A few of the people they work with know the truth about him and Jensen but not many. But even the ones that don't know the extent of their relationship know how close they are as friends so they know how badly Jared is taking this.  
  
He's pretty sure hours have passed. Gen and Danni show up and Gen curls up against his side, her arms around his shoulders as he rests his head on her chest. She cards one hand through his hair and lets him shake, deflecting the questions that she can. Danni mentioned that Chris, Steve and Jason would be here when they could but it'd probably be a few days but after that she just curled up in a chair in the corner, tears silently streaming down her cheeks and stared at the wall.  
  
Eventually, Jared sends most everyone home. He appreciates the support but there's at least twenty people, maybe more, crowding the lobby of the ER and until they have news about Jensen, they really don't need to hang out. Besides, his parents and Jensen's will be here soon and Jared kind of thinks that this is a time just for family.  
  
Gen promises everyone that they'll call as soon as they know anything and soon it's just Jared, Gen and Danni. To Jared's surprise, his parents end up there first, followed by his siblings then Jensen's. Donna and Alan arrive last and they sit around in strained silence, waiting for news. Jared is sitting between his momma and Gen while Donna is sitting with Danni.  
  
An older doctor comes out and calls for Jensen's family. Jared tenses, wanting so badly to get up and go with Donna and Alan but for the first time since the change in their relationship, he's not really sure of his welcome with his boyfriend's parents.  
  
But then Donna looks over at him, her eyes – Jensen's eyes – red-rimmed and tired. “Coming, Jared?” she asks softly, pointedly.  
  
Jared sags in relief and Gen squeezes his shoulder and his momma kisses his cheek. He gets up and follows the doctor and the Ackles back to one of the private consultation rooms. Jared hears the words coma and brain swelling but not much else. Donna is leaning into Alan's arms, crying softly and Alan asks the one thing they're all thinking – have been thinking – since the moment it happened.  
  
“Will my son wake up?”  
  
“It's up to him at this point,” the doctor – damn if Jared can remember his name even though he introduced himself just a few moments ago – replies softly, kindly. “Jensen is young and strong and in great health, at this point I have no reason to believe that he won't wake up. The question of when, that I can't give you. As well as the extent of any possible... complications after he wakes up.”  
  
“Complications,” Donna repeats, her tone a little hollow. “You mean like brain damage.”  
  
“Unfortunately, that is a possibility, Mrs. Ackles. But again, until Jensen wakes, we can't know.”  
  
“Can we see him?” Jared hears himself ask.  
  
The doctor looks between the three of them then nods. “He's in ICU and as I said, in a coma. You can visit but I'd like to limit the number of people.”  
  
“Of course,” Alan nods, taking his wife's hand and pressing his other one to the small of Jared's back. “We understand.”  
  
“I'll have a nurse come to show you to his room. There's a private waiting room up there that she can show you to, as well as the rest of your family. But honestly, I don't believe he'll wake tonight. It may be best for you all to go home to get some rest.”  
  
Alan nods and thanks the doctor then leads a shell-shocked Jared and Donna back to the waiting room. Jared zones out while Alan relays what they know so far but when the nurse comes to lead them up to the private room the doctor mentioned he snaps out of it. He smiles at his parents and siblings and gives them the keys to the house and tells them that they're more than welcome to stay there. Josh and Mack and Gen agree to go, as well – after Jared assures Gen that he'll be okay – leaving him, Donna, Alan and Danni.  
  
Donna and Alan go in first, leaving him alone in the empty private room with Danneel. She won't look at him and honestly Jared has no idea what to say to her even if she did. Jensen's parents stay in the room for a while before coming back out, Donna's face streaked with tears and even Alan's eyes look suspiciously wet. Jared lets Danni go in next by herself and once she comes out, Jared stands and clears his throat.  
  
“Y'all can head to the house if ya want, make yourselves at home,” he murmurs, surprised to hear how flat and emotionless his voice is. “I know that the doc said he probably won't wake up tonight but I just... I can't leave.”  
  
Donna nods and smiles sadly, reaching up to press a kiss to his cheek. “You call if  _anything_  changes or if you need us, alright?” she asks, no-nonsense Texas momma tone. “And we'll be back in the mornin', sweetheart.”  
  
“I'm staying too,” Danneel stands up as well, crossing her arms over her chest.  
  
“Danneel, sweetie,” Donna starts but Danni shakes her head.  
  
“I'm his wife,” she grits out. “I should be allowed to stay...”  
  
“But I'm sure they'll only let one of us, if that even,” Donna argues softly, kindly. “And as much as I'd love to stay myself, I think that it should be Jared.”  
  
Danni shoots Jared a glare before storming off. Jared's shoulders slump and he rubs one hand down over his face. “She'll be alright,” Donna murmurs, reaching out to squeeze his arm. “She's just upset, worried... Just, don't let it get to you, okay? You've got enough on your plate.”  
  
“Thanks, Momma Donna,” Jared rasps, pulling her into a quick hug.  
  
“No problem, Jared,” Donna whispers, pressing another kiss to his cheek. “My boy loves you and you're like a son to us...” Donna trails off and Jared swallows thickly, suddenly not wanting to be alone here. He doesn't honestly know if he's strong enough.  
  
Donna and Alan leave with another promise to be back in the morning and Jared inhales deeply, exhales slowly, and forces himself to walk into Jensen's room. His breath hitches and his legs tremble and he barely gets to the chair next to the bed before he collapses.  
  
“Oh, Jen,” he whispers, reaching out to grab Jensen's lax hand with his own.  
  
There's a white bandage surrounding Jensen's head and a tube down his throat. There are IVs and tubes and monitors everywhere. His cheeks are pale, his freckles standing out more than Jared's ever seen them and he looks so young, so peaceful. Jared chokes on a sob and lays his head down on the bed next to Jensen's hip, tears once again falling from his sore, gritty eyes.  
  
The next few days drag by.  
  
Jared refuses to leave Jensen's side even though he knows that he should at least go home and check on things, maybe take a shower. Hell, he's still wearing Sam's clothes from the scene they were shooting. But he just can't bring himself to leave, wanting to be there when Jensen wakes up – when, not if, there's no other choice here, Jensen  _has_  to wake up – but he's also terrified that something bad will happen if he leaves.  
  
Donna and Alan stay there through the day and the rest of their family and friends stop in and visit for a while. Danni still won't speak to Jared, just sits in the corner of Jensen's room, staring at him, her eyes dark and haunted.  
  
Surprisingly enough Jared is alone when Jensen wakes up finally.  
  
It's in the middle of the night, nearly a week after the accident and Jared is sitting in the chair next to his bed, unable to tear his eyes away from his pale face. At first when Jensen's eyelids flutter Jared thinks that he's imagining thing but then it happens again and Jensen's hand twitches and Jared's breath hitches. He leans closer, his throat tight.  
  
“C'mon, Jen,” he urges softly, his fingers sliding over the back of Jensen's hand. “C'mon and wake up for me, babe.”  
  
Jensen blinks his eyes open slowly and Jared can see the panic the moment he becomes lucid enough to realize what's going on. He brings one hand up, trying to pull at the tube down his throat but Jared catches his wrist and pulls it away, leaning over to look into wide, terrified green eyes.  
  
“Easy,” Jared murmurs. “Gotta calm down, babe. I'll get someone to take it out. Just relax for me okay?”  
  
Jensen blinks owlishly, his brow furrowed but he nods slightly. Jared smiles and presses the call button. The room is a flurry of activity after that, nurses and the doctor coming in to remove the breathing tube and to check Jensen out. Jared knows that he should call everyone but he just wants a few minutes alone with his boyfriend before he's bombarded with other people.  
  
After what feels like a small eternity, the medical personnel leave the room, leaving Jared and Jensen alone. Jared sighs shakily and sits back down, his heart in his throat.  
  
“How you feelin'?” Jared asks softly, itching to reach out and touch but there's something in Jensen's eyes that keeps him from moving.  
  
“What the hell happened?” Jensen rasps. “Feels like my head got bashed in.”  
  
“Yeah, that's sorta what happened,” Jared whispers. “What, uh, what'd'ya remember?”  
  
Jensen blinks, licking his lips, his eyes narrowed slightly. “We... We'd just tracked down Veritas,” Jensen mutters slowly, shaking his head. “It's kinda blank after that.”  
  
Jared lets loose a strained chuckle. “That's funny, Jen,” he shakes his head. “We were...”  
  
“Who's Jen?” Jensen asks, turning his head toward Jared. “What happened?” he asks again, suspicion thick in his tone. “How'd we get outta there? What'd you do, Sam?”  
  
Jared forces another shaky chuckle. “Yeah, okay I get it,  _Dean_.” He shakes his head, reaching for Jensen's hand, his heart breaking a little when Jensen pulls away from him, a look of confusion and disgust on his face. “Are you mad at me?” Jared whispers.  
  
“That really depends, man. What the hell'd you do? How'd we get away from that bitch?”  
  
“Jensen, stop it,” Jared begs, tears stinging the corners of his eyes. “This isn't funny anymore. Honestly, it wasn't funny at all. If you're mad at me for something just please... Tell me?” Jared's voice breaks slightly but instead of Jensen's eyes softening or Jensen reaching out to him, Jensen just continues to stare, one eyebrow raised in silent question and accusation.  
  
“Look,” Jensen sighs, rubbing one hand down over his face. “'m not sure what the hell kinda game you're pulling this time, Sam, and frankly, my head hurts too fucking bad to figure it out. Now, go out to the car and get me some damn clothes and let's get outta here. We'll... I'd say we'll talk about it later but somehow I doubt we will.”  
  
“You can't... You just woke up from a coma, Jensen,” Jared rasps. “And I'm not... I think something's wrong...”  
  
“You're damn right something is wrong!” Jensen snaps. “Fuck it,” he sighs, shaking his head and moving to push himself up off the mattress. “I'll call Bobby or Cas, get one'a them to come get me...”  
  
“Dean,” Jared breathes, his eyes wide as he stares at Jensen... No, at Dean fucking Winchester.  
  
“What, Sam?!” Jensen... Dean snaps.  
  
Jared shoots up out of the uncomfortable plastic chair so fast that it topples backward, one shaky hand in front of his mouth, tears finally breaking loose. He can't believe any of this. It sounds like a bad plot to a movie. Or a really horrible plot to one of their episodes.  
  
“I... I'm sorry, okay?” Jared says quickly, desperately. “Just... Stay here, alright? I'll get you outta here, I promise. Just... Don't leave...”  _me_ Jared wants to add but doesn't. Jensen thinks that he's Sam, his little brother, so Jared has to act the part, at least until he figures out what the hell is going on.  
  
  
  
Dean grits his teeth, watching his brother freak out. His head is freaking pounding and he's just ready to get the fuck out of this damn hospital and have a drink. Or twelve. He's not sure what the hell game Sam is playing this time but he can't just keep letting this go. Sam's acting even weirder than he has been and the longer this shit goes on the more that Dean has to wonder if this really is his little brother.  
  
Also? He'd like to know who the hell Jensen is and why Sam was calling him that at first.  
  
Sam's bottom lip trembles slightly as he stares at Dean, obviously waiting for an answer. The fact that tears are streaming down his cheeks should stop Dean cold but Sam's been acting so out of it since he got back topside that he doesn't know what to feel anymore.  
  
“Yeah, alright,” Dean sighs, slumping back against the pillow behind him. “But I'm serious, dude. Get me outta here or I'll do it myself.”  
  
Sam nods, his body jerking forward slightly, his hand twitching at his side. Dean frowns, eying his brother carefully. “I... I'll be right back.”  
  
Dean closes his eyes once Sam leaves the room, trying to remember what happened. All he can remember is figuring out that the hot reporter chick Ashley Frank was actually Veritas and they went to her place to take her out. Everything after that is just gone. And as much as Dean doesn't want to think it, he's pretty sure that Sam must have done something to get them out of there in one piece.  
  
The door to the room opens and Sam comes back in, an older man following him. Dean groans when he notices the white coat and sends his little brother a glare. Sam won't meet his eyes though, a sure fire sign that Sam is guilty of something.  
  
“My name is Dr. Cooper,” the doctor says kindly around a smile, taking a seat next to Dean's bed. “I understand that there's a bit of confusion since you woke up?”  
  
“Nope, Doc,” Dean grins, shaking his head. “I'm completely fine. Ready to get outta here in fact. So how 'bout you unhook this crap and let me get back on the road.”  
  
“Mr. Ackles-” Dean quirks an eyebrow and glances at Sam. That's not one of their usual aliases. “You've been in an accident and have a serious head wound. You literally just woke up from a coma. We can't let you leave.”  
  
“You can if I sign myself out,” Dean's grin falls and he shifts until he's sitting up. “Like I said, I'm fine...”  
  
“You're not fine, Mr. Ackles,” the doctor argues, firm but soft. “From what Mr. Padalecki has explained -”  _Padalecki?_ Sam really isn't allowed to make up the names ever again, “your condition is much worse than we originally suspected. We'll need to run some tests and as your power of attorney and medical proxy, Mr. Padalecki has the right to make all medical decisions on your behalf since you are mentally incapacitated at the moment.”  
  
“What the hell?!” Dean snaps. “I'm  _not_  mentally incapacitated and Mr...  _whatever_ the hell isn't my medical anything.” Dean grabs the IV and pulls it out of his arm and stumbles to his feet. “Now, I'm getting the hell out of here,” he growls at the doctor. “And you,” he points at Sam, “stay the hell away from me.”  
  
Before he can take one step out of the door, a huge guy with arms the size of Dean's thighs steps in front of him, blocking the only exit, his arms crossed over his chest. “Sorry, Jensen, not going anywhere,” the big bald dude says, with what sounds a lot like regret in his tone. Dean draws back to hit him – he's not going down without a fight – but he yelps when he feels a sharp poke to his bicep, turns to see the doctor pushing a needle into his arm.  
  
The world sways and Dean blinks rapidly. The last thing he sees are the tears still streaming down Sam's cheeks.  
  
  
Jared had rushed out of Jensen's room and demanded to see the doctor, breathlessly telling him what happened when Jensen woke up. He's just thankful that the doctor had a sedative on him and that Clif was hanging out in the waiting room.  
  
After having gotten Jensen back into bed and the IV and monitors back on him, the doctor led Jared to his office. Jared called Donna and Alan and they arrived within minutes, all of them sitting around Dr. Cooper's desk, anxiously waiting.  
  
“It seems that Jensen's injury is worse than we thought,” Jared just barely resists snorting and asking  _ya think?_ , “From what Mr. Padalecki says, he truly believes that he is his character.”  
  
“So, he thinks he's Dean?” Donna asks softly, frowning, reaching over to take Jared's hand.  
  
“He kept callin' me Sam,” Jared mutters around a sigh, “and askin' about the last job he believes we were working. Which is the episode we were filming when he was hurt.”  
  
“What's this mean?” Alan asks.  
  
“It's a form of amnesia,” Dr. Cooper answers, leaning on his desk. “His brain was so damaged that it can only process part of what he remembers. He was acting as Dean when he was hurt so when he woke his brain is essentially still Dean.”  
  
“I don't... Can't we just tell him that he's not Dean? That he's Jensen?” Donna asks, tearing up again.  
  
“We can but it won't do any good unfortunately. He needs to heal, to remember on his own that Dean is a character, that he is an actor.”  
  
“So we... We have to treat him as Dean,” Jared rasps, swallowing thickly. “And act like who he thinks we are?”  
  
“Yes, at this point, that would be best. The stress of him trying to remember, of fighting us and all of you may ultimately just make him worse in the long run.” Dr. Cooper stands up and shakes their hands. “We'll run a few more tests while he's sedated and see exactly what's going on in his brain, make sure there's not something more going on in there. In the meantime, keep him as calm as possible and treat him as Dean and be who he believes you are.”  
  
Jared inhales deeply and drops his head into his hands, his eyes squeezing closed. Donna rubs his back, over his shoulders and Jared wants to curl up in her arms and ball like a baby. He doesn't know how they're going to do this. Dean doesn't know any of his family or most of their friends so they'll have to stay away. And, selfish as he knows it is, Dean knows him as Sam, the little brother that he doesn't trust right now, and that hurts more than anything.  
  
The additional testing will take hours so Jared, Alan and Donna head to the house – Clif stays behind just in case – and call everyone together. Alan takes the lead – Jared is thankful, he really doesn't have the strength right now – and tells them what's happened. Since there's no way to know how long Jensen's recovery will take and having all these people around that he ultimately doesn't know right now won’t help, everyone agrees to go back home and Jared will call them once Jensen is better.  
  
Not sure what to do with himself, exhausted but unable to imagine trying to sleep, Jared takes a shower and gets dressed, taking as much time as he can. By the time he's done and heads back downstairs, the house is empty except for Genevieve, who is in the kitchen brewing a fresh pot of coffee and scrambling some eggs. Jared's breath hitches when he sees her and the fragile lid he's had on his emotions shatters.  
  
He gasps out a sob and Gen is right there, pulling him into her arms. His knees give out and she guides them to the floor, holding him against her chest, rocking him gently as he cries. “It's okay, Jared,” she murmurs, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. “It's all gonna be okay.”  
  
“What if he doesn't come back to me?” Jared whispers, voicing his biggest fear.  
  
“Oh, Jay,” she sighs, rubbing his trembling back. “He will. He loves you so much, honey. He'll fight to get back to you.”  
  
“He,” Jared's breath hitches on another sob and he shakes his head, “he's not Jensen right now, Gen.  Right now he doesn't love me. He thinks 'm Sam and he's not all that fond of Sam at the moment.”  
  
“No matter what's going on, Dean loves Sam, you know that.”  
  
Jared snorts and shakes his head, burying his face in the curve of her neck. He can't believe that they're even having this conversation, that they even have to. It all seems so unreal.  
  
“Why don't you get up and eat, then rest for a bit and then we'll go back to the hospital,” Gen suggests gently after a few moments, once Jared has gotten a bit of control over himself again.  
  
“You... You're staying?” Jared whispers.  
  
“Yeah,” Gen grins. “I don't have anything going on right now and I figure you need a friend.”  
  
“He'll think you're Ruby,” Jared sighs.  
  
“Then I'll just have to stay away from him,” Genevieve shrugs. “That doesn't mean that I can't be here for you.”  
  
Jared smiles softly and presses a kiss to her forehead then picks himself up off the floor, hauling Gen up as well. They eat in comfortable silence and then Gen forces him up to his bedroom. Jared's not sure if he'll be able to actually sleep but resting sounds really good.  
  
  
  
Dean groans as he wakes up, blinking his eyes open slowly. The room around him is dark and his head is spinning but thankfully doesn't hurt as bad anymore. They must have given him the good stuff.  
  
He looks to the side, not really surprised to not see Sam but sort of disappointed. He'd told Sam to stay away from him and at the time he'd meant it but now that he's not here, Dean feels a sense of wrongness, that emptiness that's always there when Sam isn't with him.  
  
Fuck. He needs to get this shit under control. He's not even sure if that really  _is_  Sam. For all he knows  _his_  Sam could still be in the cage, being tortured by Lucifer and Michael and he's had a freaking monster riding shotgun for the last few months.  
  
The door to his room opens and Dean looks up, half expecting to see Sam walk in. He's not sure if he's disappointed or not that it isn't.  
  
Instead of his little brother, a knock-out nurse walks in, smiling brightly, dimples creasing her cheeks, her red hair tumbling down around her shoulders. Dean feels guilty as hell for checking her out before remembering that Lisa broke things off between them – not that he really blames her; he didn't deserve her or Ben.  
  
“Good, you're awake,” the nurse practically purrs as she saunters toward the bed. Dean's eyes widen, every naughty-nurse porn fantasy he's ever had coming to life right in front of him. “How're you feeling?” she asks softly, one manicured nail sliding down over his shoulder.  
  
“I... I'm good,” Dean mutters.  
  
“My name's Danneel,” she licks her lips, shifting slightly so that Dean can see her rack even better, the thin purple scrub top not doing anything to conceal the swell of her huge breasts.  
  
“Dean,” he offers with his best panty-melting smirk.  
  
Danneel smiles and sits down on the side of the bed, her hand sliding over his chest. Dean watches her move, more than a little torn. Sure, she's hot as hell but with all the shit with Sam and the deal with Lisa, he's sort of just not really feeling it. Before he can decide if he wants to politely decline or take this where she seems to want it to go, the door to his room opens again and a different doctor steps into the room, frowning in confusion. Danneel stands up and hurries out the door, throwing one last look at Dean over her shoulder.  
  
“Hello, Dean. I'm Dr. Snider,” Dean nods, not really paying much attention as the doctor comes closer and checks his chart and his vitals, “I'm a neurologist and Dr. Cooper called me in to take a look at your test results...”  
  
“Look, doc,” Dean interrupts. “I don't know what everyone is going on about. My brain's fine. Hell, my head isn't even hurting anymore. I just wanna get the hell outta here.”  
  
“And I understand that,” Dr. Snider nods. “But while you don't feel it, your condition is much worse than you realize. You have a very specific form of amnesia and there might be some residual swelling in your brain...”  
  
“Whoa, I don't have amnesia,” Dean argues. “I remember everything.”  
  
The doctor nods and picks up a wallet that's sitting on the table next to the bed. “What's your name? Your  _real_ name?”  
  
“Dean Winchester,” Dean answers around a sigh. Like he can remember that stupid name Sam gave them.  
  
Dr. Snider nods again and pulls out what looks like a driver's license and hands it to Dean. It's his picture looking back at him but the name is Jensen Ackles and the birthday is March 1, 1978. And there's a Canadian address. Dean huffs out a chuckle and tosses the card back. He's pretty damn sure he's got this figured out now.  
  
“So, angel, huh? I bet Raphael put you up to this so I'd call for Cas and he'd be distracted.”  
  
“No, Mr. Ackles, this is what's real,” he insists, holding up the ID again, “what you're remembering is the television show that you and Mr. Padalecki star in.”  
  
“Look, pal,” Dean growls. “I'm sick of all this angel crap and I'm not playing your stupid games anymore. You're not the first douchebag to send me to some alternate reality and somehow I doubt you'll be the last.”  
  
Dean sits up and ignores the way the room spins. The angel tries to restrain him but Dean punches him and pulls out the IV and darts from the room while the angel is distracted. The big guy from earlier is sitting in the waiting room but Dean is able to slip past him and duck into a supply closet. He hides out for a few minutes until he's sure that security has passed him and slips out. Sneaking out of the hospital is much easier than he thought it would be and before he knows it, he's standing outside in nothing but a t-shirt and thin hospital pants. It's fucking freezing and he has no idea where Sam – or his freaking car – is and he doesn't have his wallet or his phone on him.  
  
With a growl he realizes that busting out of the hospital wasn't the best of ideas, at least not until Sam came back. That is, if Sam even comes back. He did tell him to leave after all.  
  
Just as he's about to go back inside and find a phone to call Bobby, Dean looks up at the sound of his name being called, smiling as he sees the pretty redheaded nurse leaning against the side of a car, smiling widely at him.  
  
“Need a lift?”  
  
CHAPTER TWO  
  
“Damnit!”  
  
Gen looks up as Jared tosses his phone onto the couch and he catches the look of concern in her deep brown eyes. “Jared?”  
  
“Jensen, or well, Dean I guess, busted out of the hospital about a half an hour ago. He knocked a freaking neurosurgeon out and snuck out of his room, somehow avoiding Clif and hospital security.”  
  
“Oh, God,” Genevieve breathes, one hand coming up to cover her mouth.  
  
“He apparently doesn't just have Dean's memories and think he's Dean but he has Dean's skills as well.” Jared drops onto the couch, his head in his hands. “This is all my fault,” he whispers miserably.  
  
“What? How?” Gen asks incredulously.  
  
“I should've been there, Gen,” Jared sighs, rubbing one hand down over his face when he sits up to look at her. “I know he's not himself right now and instead'a being there like I should'a, I'm here, feelin' sorry for myself.”  
  
Gen sits down next to him and wraps one arm around his shoulders, pulling him against her side. “You're not to blame, Jared,” she argues softly, firmly. “And neither is Jensen. This is just some fucked up, unfortunate accident...”  
  
“But...”  
  
“No, no buts,” Gen cuts him off, reaching up to grab the sides of his face and make him look at her. “Jensen wouldn't want you blaming yourself, sweetie.”  
  
“I don't know what to do,” Jared whispers weakly.  
  
“Yes you do,” Gen smiles, rolling her eyes when Jared just continues to look at her. “He's Dean right now,” she says pointedly. “So you have to stop thinking like Jared and start thinking like Sam.”  
  
Despite feeling like his heart is still breaking, Jared chuckles softly. “That's actually kinda brilliant.”  
  
Genevieve beams back at him, shrugging one shoulder. “I do what I can.”  
  
Jared sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. “Okay, so... what would Sam do?”  
  
“Naturally, he'd go find his brother,” Gen offers helpfully.  
  
“Sure, obviously. But how? I'm pretty sure Dean doesn't want to be found, least of all by me... Or well, him... God, this is confusing.”  
  
“Alright, think about it,” Gen coaxes. “The episode where Sam was running from Dean with Ruby.”  
  
“The last place that Dean would'a looked,” Jared mutters. He stands up and grabs the phone book that they never use and looks up hotels in the area near the hospital. With an idea of where to start looking, he tears the page out of the book and heads toward the door, grabbing his keys, wallet, and phone as he goes. To his surprise, Gen is right on his heels. “Whoa, what're you doing?”  
  
“Going with,” Gen answers like it's the most obvious thing. “It'll be easier for us both to look.”  
  
“He'll think you're Ruby,” Jared repeats.  
  
“I know, that's why I won't get near him. Promise.”  
  
Jared can't help but think it's a bad idea but he kind of doesn't really want to do this alone so he nods and leads Gen out of the house and to his truck.  
  
  
“Got anywhere you wanna go?” Danneel asks as she slips in behind the wheel, glancing over at Dean.  
  
“No, not really at the moment.”  
  
“I've got a room at the hotel downtown,” she offers.  
  
At first Dean wants to tell her no but when he thinks about it, that's the last place Sam will look for him. “Sounds good,” he smiles, glancing over at her. There's a flash of something in his mind, something familiar, something not right with her, but it's gone before he can really get a grasp on it. He doesn't get the supernatural piece of crap vibe off of her – or maybe he just doesn't want to – but there is something about this girl that he just can't put his finger on.  
  
When they get to the hotel, Danneel parks and leads him inside. Once inside the room she hands him a bag that he noticed her grab from the car. “What's this?”  
  
“Your clothes,” she says simply. Dean looks into the bag and sure enough, there are his clothes. He looks up at her and raises an eyebrow in silent question. “What? I saw you make your great escape and ducked in to grab them once the coast was clear. Thought you'd rather have them than what you're wearing.”  
  
“Uh, yeah,” Dean mutters. “Thanks.”  
  
Danneel shrugs and walks further into the room, dropping down on the end of the bed. “The bathroom is through there,” she points to the far side of the room behind him, “you can have a shower and change if you want.”  
  
Dean nods and heads to the bathroom. As he strips off the shit from the hospital and gets under the warm spray of water, he debates on whether or not to call Sam. He knows that if Sam does show back up at the hospital, even though Dean told him to stay away, that he'll be freaked if he can't find Dean. Or well, if he really  _is_  Sam he'll be freaked. Dean groans and bangs his head against the tiled wall of the shower. He really needs to figure this shit out with Sam before it drives him even more insane.  
  
He washes quickly then dries off and gets dressed. When he steps out of the bathroom, feeling a hundred percent better, Danneel is still sitting on the end of the bed but she's changed out of the scrubs she was wearing and Dean can't help but notice the way the tight jeans hug the curve of her ass and the way the low-cut top she's wearing shows off her ample breasts. Damn but she's hot. And he's always had a thing for red-heads.  
  
She looks up at him and smiles, the dimples that flash at him remind him of Sam for a moment but Dean shakes that away and moves toward her. Granted with all the shit with the Apocalypse that wasn't and then Sam being gone and being with Lisa for a year, he hasn't been playing the field like he usually does but he can see the heat in her eyes, knows without a doubt that she'd totally be up for it if he offered.  
  
But he still has that tickling warning in the back of his head and the urge to call and check on Sam. “Mind if I use your phone? Can't seem to find mine.”  
  
“Uh, sure. Got someone looking for you?”  
  
“Yeah, probably. Need to call and check in with my brother.”  
  
“Oh,” she breathes, pouting adorably. She reaches out and runs one hand up his thigh, blinking deep, chocolate brown eyes at him. “Can't that wait?” she asks sweetly. “Thought we could get to know each other a little better.”  
  
Dean quirks an eyebrow and flashes her a smirk – warnings and worry about Sam momentarily forgotten. She licks her lips, teeth scraping over the plump bottom one and slides her hand higher, fingers tucking into the waist of his jeans. Dean's smirk widens and he leans down, slipping one hand into the curls tumbling down around her shoulders and dips his head, their lips sliding together, slow and sweet. She moans and pushes up, deepening the kiss, her other hand sliding over the front of his jeans, palming his quickly filling cock.  
  
Dean groans and gently pushes her back, following her down onto the mattress. Before either of them can get any further, there's a knock at the door. Dean pulls away from the kiss with a frustrated growl. “You expecting someone?”  
  
“No,” Danneel breathes, her hand slipping around the back of his neck, pulling him back toward her. “Ignore it.”  
  
Dean shrugs one shoulder and dips down to kiss her again but there's another knock, this one more insistent and he can't ignore it, or the look in her eyes when she whispers, “Damnit.”  
  
“Dean? C'mon, man, I know you're in there.”  
  
Dean sits up and gently untangles Danneel's arms from around him. “'s my brother,” he explains, flashing her an apologetic smile. “Just lemme get rid'a him, okay?”  
  
Danneel opens her lips, her eyes filling with tears for some reason but she just ends up nodding miserably. Dean watches for a moment as she gets up and crosses the room, curling up in a chair in the corner. The knocking starts again, even louder, and Dean growls, pushing himself up off the bed.  
  
“Alright, already,” he grumbles. “I'm comin'.” He yanks open the door and looks up at Sam, both eyebrows raised at how bad his brother looks. “What?” he demands.  
  
“You...” Sam starts, shaking his head, huffing out a sigh. “You shouldn't have left the hospital, Dean.”  
  
“Dude,” Dean rolls his eyes. “Freakin' angels, tryin' to fuck with my head and shit. I had'ta get outta there. Of course, that would'a been easier if you hadn't taken my car. I'm just lucky that Danneel,” he waves one hand and turns around, frowning when he doesn't see her sitting in the chair anymore, “was there,” he finishes lamely. “Where the hell'd she go?”  
  
“Danneel?” Sam asks, his brow furrowed.  
  
“Huh? Oh yeah,” Dean answers absently, barely glancing at Sam before looking around the room again. “Guess she went to the bathroom.” He turns back to Sam and grins, waggles his eyebrows. “Super-hot nurse, dude. And we were just about to play doctor, so why don't you get lost and I'll catch up with you in a bit... Maybe tomorrow,” Dean smirks.  
  
  
Jared swallows thickly, fighting back the tears and anger surging through him, but just barely. He can't fucking believe Danneel would do something like this, would take advantage of Jensen being hurt to... to what? Try and sleep with him? What the hell did she think would happen once Jensen got his memories back? Or is she hoping that doesn't happen? Or that if it does happen, does she think she's going to win him over this way? Man, he knew that she was pissed about them being together but this takes the fucking cake.  
  
Dean tries to close the door on him and Jared plants one hand against it, scrambling to try to come up with a reason to not leave him alone with Danni.  
  
“Dude,” Dean huffs. “Seriously. Hot nurse.”  
  
“You can't,” Jared blurts out.  
  
“Oh really?” Dean scoffs. “And just why not?”  
  
“She... She could be another angel. Or a demon. Or something...”  
  
“Not really gettin' the evil monster vibe from her, Sammy.” Dean tilts his head, studying him for a moment. “What's up with you? You're acting weird. Or well, weirder than usual.”  
  
“Nothing just...” Jared sighs and runs one hand through his hair. This is getting him nowhere. “I'm sorry, Jen,” he whispers sadly as he draws back and clocks Jensen... Dean – fuck this is hard to keep straight – across the jaw.  
  
He catches Jensen's body as he collapses and drags him out of the room. There's a part of him that wants to knock down the bathroom door and confront Danni right now but he's got more important things to worry about.  
  
Genevieve is sitting in his truck, chewing on her bottom lip. Her eyes widen when she sees Jared dragging Jensen out of the hotel. She scrambles to get out and open the back door, helping Jared with Jensen's dead weight as much as she can. Jared gets Jensen settled then gets back in the driver's side, thankful as hell that Gen kept the engine running.  
  
“Uh, Jared?” she asks uncertainly as Jared peels away from the hotel and heads back toward the house.  
  
“Freaking Danneel is the one who helped him bust outta the hospital,” Jared growls, one eye on Jensen in the back.  
  
“What?!” Gen asks incredulously.  
  
“Right?” Jared huffs, rubs one hand down over his face. “Dean wanted me to leave them alone so he could bang the hot nurse that helped him get away.” Jared glances at Gen and shakes his head. “The hot nurse named Danneel. I can't believe she'd do that.”  
  
“I can,” Gen rolls her eyes. Her dislike of Danneel is not a big secret. “So why's Jensen knocked out then?”  
  
“I couldn't think of a reason to get him away from her...” Jared winces.  
  
“You hit him!?” Genevieve gasps.  
  
“I had to!” Jared exclaims. “What else was I supposed to do, Gen? Let my boyfriend have sex with his wife while he has no idea who either of them are?” Jared snaps his lips closed, thinking about what he just said. “My God, that sounds fuckin' ridiculous,” he half-chuckles, half-sobs.  
  
Genevieve chuckles softly and reaches out, squeezing Jared's arm. “I know,” she sighs. “Ridiculous or not though, you're right. Jensen would be furious.”  
  
“More at himself than at Danni,” Jared grumbles.  
  
“True.” Genevieve nods and glances in the back before looking at Jared again. “So what's the plan now?”  
  
“Get him back to the house,” Jared sighs. “That's as far as I got. Kinda makin' this up as I go.”  
  
With Gen's help, Jared gets Jensen inside and into the downstairs guest room. They stand near the door, watching, and Jared can't help but feel bad about knocking Jensen out. “What if I really hurt him?” he asks softly, turning to Genevieve with wide eyes. “I mean, shit, I freakin' punched him! And he just literally woke up from a freakin' coma a few hours ago.”  
  
“I'm sure he's okay,” Gen offers, smiling softly, but Jared can hear the doubt, see it in her eyes.  
  
“Then why isn't he waking up? I mean, hell, I don't think I hit him that hard.”  
  
“Is that Ruby?”  
  
Jared and Genevieve both turn towards the bed, gasping in unison at the sight of Jensen... no Dean, sitting up glaring at them.  
  
“No,” Jared shakes his head, his hands held out in front of him. “Just listen, J- Dean. It's not what you think...”  
  
“Oh really?” Dean growls. “So that's  _not_  Ruby? You didn't find some way to bring your little demon bitch girlfriend back from the pit? What the fuck, Sam?!”  
  
  
Dean can't fucking believe, after  _everything_ , that Sam found a way to bring that fucking bitch back. And he's been lying to him and sneaking around with her again. Dean squeezes his eyes closed for a second, his hands clenching against his thighs. He knew something was up with Sam, but  _this_?  
  
“Please, just lemme explain,” Sam begs softly.  
  
Dean reopens his eyes to glare at his brother, pushing himself up off the bed despite the way the room tilts around him. “Explain?! You think you can explain this? Jesus, Sam... after every-fucking-thing? You go and... I can't even...”  
  
Dean moves forward, intent on getting his hands on that lying, black-eyed skank once and for all. He doesn't even care that he's not armed, he'll beat the hell out of her and hope he can remember the exorcism. He's not even a little surprised when Sam steps between them, both hands pushing against Dean's chest.  
  
“No!” Sam shouts. “Just listen to me! She's not a demon...”  
  
“Oh, good one, Sam,” Dean smiles sarcastically. “How the hell'd you even get that meat suit back? Do I really even wanna know? Christ, man, you've done some fucked up stuff, but this?” Dean shakes his head, pushing past Sam and Ruby. “I'm fuckin' done.”  
  
“Wait!” Sam cries out, running after him, catching one wrist and pulling him back. Dean growls and pulls back, ready to swing, but Sam ducks it and presses him up against the wall. “Stop it,” Sam whispers. “Please? God, just stop it.” His head falls forward, his bangs falling into his eyes but Dean can still see the tears sliding down his cheeks. “I can't... I can't do this. I can't. I miss you, so much...”  
  
“Sam?” Dean asks carefully, not sure what the hell is wrong but it sure seems like Sam is having some kind of breakdown. Sam shakes his head, sniffling pathetically, and for a moment, he's Dean's little brother again. “C'mon, Sammy,” he murmurs, reaching up to squeeze his shoulder, trying to offer comfort.  
  
Sam finally looks up, his hazel eyes wet and miserable. “I just want you back,” he whispers hoarsely. Then leans forward and presses a kiss to Dean's lips.  
  
Dean sucks in a startled gasp – and he's pretty sure he hears one from Ruby as well – and forcefully pushes Sam away. Sam stumbles backward, his eyes wide and terrified. “Dude? What the fuck?!” Dean spits out, glaring at Sam. “That's... Fuck, Sam. What the fuck is wrong with you?!”  
  
“Nothing,” Sam shakes his head, wiping angrily at the tears still streaming down his cheeks. “Nothin's wrong with me because you aren't Dean Winchester. You're Jensen Ackles. You're an actor and you play Dean on our show. My name's not Sam. I'm Jared. And I... I can't do this anymore. I can't stand here and have you look at me like that. It hurts too damn much.”  
  
“Fuck,” Dean breathes, shaking his head. “Did they get to you too, Sam?”  
  
“I'm not Sam!” Sam yells. “God, I'm Jared, your fuckin' boyfriend.”  
  
Dean's eyes widen and he shakes his head. “No, no fucking way, dude. It's the angels, Sammy. They're messin' with your head. It's okay, man. We'll head to Bobby's and get this all straightened out. Maybe call Cas...”  
  
“Maybe you could call Misha and Jim?” Dean hears Ruby suggest from where she's standing in the corner of the room.  
  
“You shut your fuckin' pie hole,” Dean growls, pointing one finger at her.  
  
Sam sighs and runs one hand through his hair. “I don't think that'll work,” he replies softly to Ruby, shaking his head. “He'll just think that they got pulled into this too.”  
  
“Standing right here,” Dean snaps, waving his hand in front of Sam's face. He sighs, his shoulders slumping as he leans back against the wall. His head is starting to hurt again and the room is still sort of spinning. “Look, I'm just... I'm over all this. Do what you want, Sam, you always do anyway.”  
  
Dean pushes past Sam and heads for the door, stopping once something occurs to him. “Where's my car?” He takes in the house around him for the first time, frowning. “And where the hell are we? Breakin' into houses in the 'burbs now, Sammy?”  
  
Sam shakes his head and glances at Ruby. “This is our house, Jen,” he whispers. “And your car's right outside.”  
  
Dean glances out the window, ignoring his brother's delusions for the moment. His frown deepens when all he sees is a truck and an SUV. “No,” he grits out. “Where's  _my_  car?”  
  
“The Impala isn't here,” Sam answers softly. “It's at work. Actually, all six of them are there. On set. For the show we work on.”  
  
“Look, I'm gonna go figure this out, and when I do? You owe me big,” he glances at Ruby, sneering, “and I'm gonna find a way to get rid of her. Permanently. And me and you? We're gonna have a nice long talk and you're gonna tell me what the fuck's been going on.”  
  
  
Jared watches Jensen – Dean – storm out of the house, by-passing both their vehicles. He jerks when Gen's hand slides over his shoulder.  
  
“You're just gonna let him go?” she asks softly.  
  
“What else can I do?” Jared asks miserably. “I tried treating him like Dean and even though the doctor said I shouldn't, I tried telling him the truth. I don't know what else to do.”  
  
“I'm sorry, sweetie,” Gen whispers, pulling Jared into a hug.  
  
“Yeah, me too,” he murmurs, squeezing her a bit then pulls away, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “Make yourself at home, take a room, do whatever.”  
  
“What're you gonna do?” she asks worriedly.  
  
“Take a shower and try to get some sleep. I'm exhausted.”  
  
“Okay, I'll be here if you need me.”  
  
“Thanks, Gen,” Jared breathes, flashing her a small, strained smile. He appreciates her being here and trying to help, being here  _for_  him, but he just wants Jensen back home where he belongs.  
  
He moves mostly on autopilot as he takes a quick shower then stumbles into his and Jensen's bedroom, falling face first on their bed, wet and naked. He's tempted to turn off his phone, wanting to block out the world, but if something happens or if Jensen gets his memory back, he doesn't want to risk missing it.  
  
Despite how tired he is, sleep doesn't come easy. Every time he closes his eyes, all he can see is the horror on Jensen's face when Jared kissed him, the distrust and even hatred in those emerald-green eyes. When he does fall asleep his dreams are filled with images of Jensen and Danneel in her hotel room and nightmares about Jensen never regaining his memories, of having to live the rest of his life without Jensen.  
  
He wakes up, barely biting back a sob, as he sits up, his eyes stinging, his cheeks wet from where he'd been crying in his sleep. He grabs Jensen's pillow, clutches it to his chest and lies back down, not wanting to face the world just yet.  
  
It's dark outside, the moon high in the sky and Jared can't help but wonder where Jensen is now, what he's doing.  
  
  
Dean leaves the house in the suburbs, scowling. Cas isn't answering and he still can't find his damn cell to call Bobby.  
  
There's money in the wallet they gave him at the hospital – Canadian, what the fuck? – so Dean catches a cab and heads downtown. He vaguely remembers where Danneel's hotel is and figures that he'll head back there, more because he wants to get away from Sam right now than actually wanting to see her. Sure, she's hot, and he'd totally take her up on her offer, but he's got so much more shit on his mind right now.  
  
Sam is working with Ruby again, lying this whole time. But even worse right now, at least in his mind, is the fact that Sam is buying into this whole alternate reality thing, truly believes that he's this Jensen guy and that he's Jared. And that they're together – as if, Dean has never been into another guy. It is fine for others but he just doesn’t swing that way. And neither does Sam. Or at least that's what he always thought. But then, Sam kissed him.  
  
Dean's head throbs and he presses his palm against his forehead, groaning softly. He stops and leans against the wall of the hotel, swallowing back bile at the way the world is tilting and spinning around him.  
  
“Cas,” Dean grits out. “I know you're busy with your own shit up there but I really need some help down here. One'a your pals whammied the whole Goddamn world, except me and I just... C'mon, Cas, get your feathery ass down here.” Dean waits for a few moments, wishing to hear the flutter of wings but nothing.  
  
He manages to stumble to Danneel's room, hoping like hell she hadn't checked out yet. Something is wrong, Dean doesn't know what but he can feel it and he has nowhere else to go; sure as shit can't call Sam or go back there. He leans heavily against the door and knocks, damn-near falling into the room when Danneel opens it.  
  
“Oh my God,” she breathes, getting a shoulder under him and helps him inside. “You okay? What happened?”  
  
Dean groans when he flops down onto the bed, blinking up at Danneel's kind, worried face. “M'brother's lost his damn mind and m'guardian angel ain't answerin',” Dean mutters, closing his eyes, wishing the room would stop spinning and the throbbing in his head would go away. Maybe breaking out of the hospital wasn't the best course of action in this case. At least there they were giving him the good stuff.  
  
Danneel blinks, her brow wrinkling in confusion. “I'm sorry, I don't...”  
  
“Never mind,” Dean huffs and waves one hand toward her. “I just needed somewhere to go, to rest, and you already saved me once today. Although, I gotta say, being saved by a chick, no matter how hot, is kinda damaging my ego a bit.”  
  
Danneel chuckles, the sound like water over glass, and shakes her head. “'m sure your ego's just fine, Dean.”  
  
Dean smiles back and reaches up, tangling one hand in her long auburn hair. He has to admit that lying down and not moving too much is helping his head a lot. She comes easily when he pulls her toward him, their lips sliding together, slow and easy. For a split second he has a flash of Sam in his mind, Sam's lips brushing against his own, but Dean shakes it off, refusing to let his brother's crazy ruin this for him.  
  
Danneel climbs onto the mattress with him, pressing up against his side, her body soft and warm and Dean runs one hand down her side, over the curve of her hip, then back around to her ass, pulling her closer. Danneel moans and pushes against him, deepening the kiss, the waxy taste of her lipstick throwing him off for a second. She feels good against him, sweet and responsive but he can't help but feel like he's being unfaithful. And surprisingly it's not about Lisa.  
  
Danneel's hand slides down his chest then lower, over the front of his jeans and Dean pulls away from the kiss with a gasp, blinking up at her. He's got no problem with chicks that know what they want, he loves them in fact – saves a lot of coaxing and sweet-talking – but he's still got that feeling in the back of his head about her, how something just isn't quite right.  
  
“Earlier, when my brother showed up, why'd you bolt?” Dean hears himself ask.  
  
Danneel cringes and looks up at him through her lashes. “It seemed like a private, family thing. I didn't want to intrude.” That makes sense but it still doesn't ease that niggling doubt.  
  
Dean pushes the feelings aside, he can't be sure of anything right now, not with the angels screwing around with things. He doesn't know Danneel, sure as hell shouldn't trust her, but right now, she's the only person he has, the only person he's met that's acting normal. The thought that she's an angel or some other supernatural piece of crap never really entered his mind. Like he told Sam, he's not getting that kind of vibe from her, just the suspicion that something is slightly off, that she's lying about something. And honestly if she is, that's really none of his business. Besides, as stupid as it is, deep down, he almost feels like he knows her.  
  
Determined not to ruin what is certainly shaping up to be a good time with a sure thing, Dean wraps his arm around Danneel’s waist and rolls her over onto her back, his weight braced on one elbow as he leans down and kisses her again. She pushes at his over-shirt and he pulls back just enough to shrug out of it, tossing it onto the floor. Her fingers slide up under the hem of his t-shirt, nails lightly scraping at his abs, his chest and Dean smirks at her, shifting just enough so that she can push the thin cotton all the way up and off. Dean’s hand curls around her waist again, his attention dropping to the hand she still has on his chest.  
  
He frowns, blinking at the expanse of slightly pale, unmarred flesh. Her fingers brush over his collar bone, then lower, and Dean shakes his head slightly, watching her touch skin that he  _knows_  should bare a tattoo. He remembers going with Sam to get them done, a week after the shit with Meg, both of them drunk off their asses. He’s so used to seeing it that he really didn’t pay attention when he changed earlier but now that Danneel’s fingers are brushing over the spot where it  _should_  be, Dean can’t help but notice its absence.  
  
Memories of him and Sam in the tattoo parlor flash before his eyes, overlaid with him sitting in a chair, Sam next to him, as some woman that he doesn’t know paints the familiar symbol on his chest with a stencil. Dean groans, pain shooting through his head, the room tilting dangerously. Danneel cups his cheek, her brown eyes wide and filled with worry. He can see her lips moving but can’t hear what she’s saying over the buzzing in his ears. He collapses back against the mattress, both hands holding his head, his eyes squeezed closed. He can feel something warm and wet and sticky dripping from his nose, down over his lips, but like everything else, that just pales in comparison to the fact that it feels like his head is being torn apart.  
  
  
  
Dean hears the muffled sound of Danneel’s voice but it’s distant and he’s pretty sure she’s not talking to him anymore – which is awesome because he can’t even  _think_  about trying to open his mouth to respond. He’s not sure how much time passes, is pretty sure he drifts in and out of consciousness, but eventually there’s a knock at the door – which really doesn’t help the pain – and he feels the bed dip when Danneel moves. There are hands around his wrists, pulling his own hands away from his head, and fingers prying open his eyelids and he cringes away from the too-bright beam of a flashlight. Dean has the faintest, briefest urge to fight, but he’s pretty sure that his head would either fall off or split in two if he tried.  
  
There’s the prick of a needle in the crook of his elbow and then he’s being moved. The world is blurry and dark when he opens his eyes slightly, just enough to see that he’s being loaded into the back of an ambulance. Dean groans and tries to open his mouth to tell the paramedics or Danneel or anyone that will listen that he doesn’t want to go back to the hospital but nothing comes out. By the time he’s loaded into the back and the doors are closed, he succumbs to whatever they shot into him through the IV, drifting off with the sounds of the sirens blaring in his ears.  
  
  
Jared blinks his eyes open when he hears the door to their bedroom open. He must have fallen back asleep even though he doesn’t really remember doing it. He tries to smile when he sees Gen peaking her head just inside the door but when he sees the look on her face he ends up frowning instead.  
  
“What,” he croaks, clears his throat and tries again, “What’s wrong?”  
  
“You left your cell downstairs,” Gen explains softly as she comes into the room. She flashes him a soft, sad smile as she sits down on the side of the bed, his phone in one hand. “I only answered because I was hoping it was Jensen…”  
  
“Gen,” Jared murmurs, cutting off what he’s sure would have ended up being a rambling explanation. “It’s okay, I don’t care. Just… tell me what’s wrong.”  
  
“It was the hospital,” she whispers. “Jensen’s been readmitted.”  
  
Jared crawls out of bed, nearly climbing over Gen to do it, and grabs his wallet. “What’s wrong? Is he okay?” he blurts out.  
  
“They wouldn’t tell me anything over the phone, Jared.”  
  
Jared nods, not at all surprised but a little disappointed, and damn-near runs down the stairs. He’s barely aware of the sound of Gen’s heels clicking on the steps as she tries to keep up. She catches him by the door, her slender fingers curling around his wrist as he reaches for his car keys.  
  
“Let me drive, okay?” she asks but Jared can tell it’s not really a question or a request, “You’re in no shape and I don’t want to end up with both’a you in the damn hospital.”  
  
“He freaked last time he saw you,” Jared half-ass argues. The truth is, he wants her to go with him, he just can’t bring himself to ask.  
  
“Then we’ll just have to do a better job makin’ sure he doesn’t see me this time,” Gen answers with a smirk and a wink, pulling him out the door with the hold she still has on his wrist. Jared can honestly admit that he’s so glad she’s here.  
  
The drive to the hospital seems to take forever but logically Jared knows it actually only takes about ten minutes – especially the way Gen drives. His heart is pounding by the time they pull up in front of the ER entrance and Gen shifts the truck into park, turning her attention to him. “Go on,” she urges softly, jerking her head toward the building. “I’ll hang out in the waiting room, be there if you need me, okay?”  
  
Jared flashes her a smile – the first real one he’s been able to pull off since Jensen’s accident – and leans across the seat, pressing a kiss to her cheek. “Thanks, Gen,” he damn-near whispers, emotion and worry and exhaustion making his throat tight. Gen just smiles at him and nods.  
  
Jared can barely breathe by the time he gets to the front desk, terrified that something even worse has happened to Jensen. The nurse smiles kindly at him and motions him toward the automatic swinging doors and tells him where he can find Jensen. The room is at the end of the hallway, set apart from all the others and Jared hesitates outside the door for a few moments, trying to catch his breath and get his heart to stop beating against his ribs hard enough to actually hurt.  
  
Finally gathering the nerve, Jared pushes open the door. Jensen is lying in the bed, an IV in one arm, but otherwise just appears to be asleep. There are pain lines etched into his forehead, even though he’s obviously out, and Jared huffs out a sigh, his shoulders slumping as some of the remaining tension flows out of his body. Nothing else appears to be wrong and Jared moves forward, mostly collapsing into the chair next to the bed. He reaches out, tips his fingers brushing against Jensen’s hand, up his arm, feels tears stinging at his eyes at the sensation of warm skin beneath his touch. He shakes his head, huffing out a humorless chuckle, and wipes his other hand down over his face.  
  
“God, Jen,” Jared whispers, leaning forward to rest his head carefully on Jensen’s chest, just listening to the steady thump of his heart for a few moments.  
  
He straightens up when the door opens again, smiling tiredly when he sees Dr. Cooper walk into the room. “Jared,” he nods. “Glad you got our message.”  
  
“Of course,” Jared nods in return. “What’s, uh, what’s wrong? Is he worse?”  
  
“Not really, no,” Dr. Cooper replies, moving to Jensen’s other side. Jared watches absently as he checks Jensen’s vitals and scribbles a few notes in Jensen’s chart. “From what we understand from his wife, he was okay, just seemed a little dizzy, and then he grabbed his head and started groaning in pain.”  
  
“His wife?” Jared asks.  
  
“Uh, yes,” Dr. Cooper nods and checks Jensen’s chart, “Mrs. Danneel Harris-Ackles. She’s the one who called 911 and was there when the EMT’s arrived. She even accompanied Jensen to the hospital. Not sure where she is now though…” Dr. Cooper trails off, frowning slightly.  
  
Jared sighs to himself and thanks the doctor, settling back in his chair once he’s alone again. He’s not surprised that Danni took off, especially since she knew that they would call Jared. He’s actually tempted to go find her, finally have a talk and see what exactly she’s up to, what kind of game she thinks she’s playing here, but that would mean leaving Jensen and he’s not going to do that again, not after what’s happened the last two times he did.  
  
They take Jensen for another CT scan to make sure that nothing else is wrong then set him up in a room. Jared leaves his side long enough to check in with Gen – while Jensen is being scanned so that he knows Jensen won’t wake up and take off again. He tells her to go home, which of course she argues against, but Jared eventually convinces her, explaining that Jensen is still drugged and he’s going to just be sitting in his room, watching him sleep. She agrees to head back to the house but makes Jared promise to call if something changes. He’s tempted to mention the shit with Danni being with him again but at this point, he just kind of wants to ignore it. He honestly has enough – more than enough, really – to deal with already with Jensen.  
  
Several hours – or maybe even days, Jared’s completely lost track at this point – later, Jared is still sitting in the uncomfortable plastic chair next to Jensen’s bed, staring at his face, willing him to not only wake up but to be himself as well. Jensen shifts slightly, his lips parting and his eyelashes fluttering against his pale, freckled cheeks and for a second he looks just like he does when he wakes up every morning, before coffee when he’s adorably grumpy and sleep-warm and rumpled and Jared just wants to pull him into his arms and never let go again.  
  
Jensen licks his lips and blinks slowly, turning his head carefully toward the side. Jared holds his breath but the automatic suspicion in those emerald-green eyes is all Dean Winchester. His heart sinks and he flashes the best smile he can.  
  
“How you feelin’?” he asks softly.  
  
“Like my head got bashed in. Again,” Dean replies dryly. “What the fuck, Sam?” he asks as he brings one hand up to rub his temple. He groans when he sees the IV and turns those accusing eyes on Jared again. “I don’t wanna be in the hospital, dude.”  
  
“Wasn’t me this time,” Jared shrugs. He hates having to play along with this but last time was such an impressively bad failure he doesn’t want to risk it again. “Seems you scared the hell outta your little nurse friend and she called 911.”  
  
Dean sits up and starts tugging at the IV, growling when Jared grabs his wrist. “Stop that,” Jared commands.  
  
“Dude, I’m gettin’ the hell outta here, I don’t care if my head really does fall off.” He stops fighting with Jared and looks at him intently. “I’m thinkin’ that this whole place is in on this angel nonsense. Which means we gotta go, Sam. We need to get a hold of Bobby or Cas or…”  
  
“Stop,” Jared repeats, huffing out a sigh. “Look, I know you’re freaked, okay? I get it. But you’re really hurt, Dean,” Jared pauses, struggling with the name, “and you need to stay here so that you can get better.”  
  
“Is this even a real hospital, man?” Dean presses. He looks around, obviously paranoid, and leans closer. “My tattoo’s gone, Sam. I don’t know how or why or what the fuck but all I know is we need to go. Now.”  
  
  
Sam closes his eyes, rubbing one hand over his face. He looks tired, exhausted really, and Dean can’t help but wonder why, wonder what him and his little demon bitch girlfriend have been up to. He knows, deep down, that he shouldn’t be trusting Sam right now, but he can’t stop himself. It’s just ingrained too deeply for him to look out for Sam, even when Sam isn’t acting like himself. Or is once again working with fucking demons.  
  
“I know this all doesn’t make sense to you, that you’re confused…” Sam starts softly, his voice barely above a whisper. “But right now, this is the best place for you. Please, just… trust me on that?”  
  
“Trust you?” Dean snorts, shaking his head. “How can I trust you? You’ve been… different this whole time and now… Now I find out that Ruby’s back? What the fuck, Sam? You ask for trust? When you’ve been lying and sneaking around again…”  
  
“That’s not,” Sam snaps but then stops, closes his eyes, his shoulders slumping. “There are things that I can’t explain, that you’re just going to have to trust me on.”  
  
“I’m sorry, Sammy,” Dean sighs, shaking his head again. “I just… I can’t. Not anymore, not again. Not after everything.”  
  
Tears fill Sam’s eyes and he looks away, chewing on his lower lip. For a second he looks so young, so much like the innocent kid he was when they met, when this all started. Dean frowns, squeezing his eyes closed for a second, not sure where the hell that thought, or memory really, came from. He reopens his eyes to find Sam still looking away, a few tears trickling down his cheeks and it makes Dean’s heart ache. He’s never liked seeing Sam in pain or upset and it kills him the same now as it always has.  
  
“If I can get Bobby to convince you,” Sam whispers, finally glancing at him again before looking away just as quickly, “will you stay at least until they release you? Until we can make sure that you will actually get better?”  
  
Dean huffs a sigh and settles back against the mattress. He doesn’t want to argue anymore. If he feels like being honest, his head is starting to really hurt again and he’s almost afraid that he’s going to have another episode – or whatever that was – like he did at Danneel’s hotel room.  
  
“Fine, whatever.”  
  
Sam smiles at him, tight and sad, and nods. “I’ll, uh, I’ll just go give him a call.”  
  
Dean closes his eyes and listens as Sam gets up, quietly shutting the door behind him.  
  
  
Jared leans against the wall outside Jensen’s room – Dean’s room, fuck he’s even starting to get confused now – and rubs one hand over his eyes, down his face. Offering to get Bobby here, that’d been a long shot, but Dean wouldn’t believe him and it seemed like his only option at the time.  
  
With a sigh, he pulls out his phone and calls Jim, explaining the situation. The other end of the phone is silent for a few moments then Jim mutters, “You want me to what now?”  
  
“Come to the hospital and pretend to be Bobby,” Jared sighs. He still feels like this is too much like the plot to a really bad movie. “Jensen is convinced he’s Dean, so he’s also convinced I’m Sam and if you remember correctly, right about now? Dean doesn’t trust Sam.”  
  
“Shit, boy,” Jim sighs. Jared can’t help but agree.  
  
“He’s already busted outta here once and he’s fixin’ to do it again. I just… I need some help on this one, man.”  
  
“Yeah, alright,” Jim agrees. “Of course. I’ll be there soon as I can. Hang in there, kiddo.”  
  
“Thanks, Jim,” Jared breathes.  
  
Jared slips his phone back into his pocket and leans heavier against the wall, letting himself slide down it until he’s sitting, his arms resting on his bent knees. He’s quickly running out of options here, more unsure than he’s ever been about anything in his life. And he’s really close to giving up hope. Logically he knows that Jensen hasn’t really been awake that long, that it’s still entirely possible that his memories can return at any time but he’s starting to wonder if he’s strong enough to deal with all this in the meantime.  
  
He’s not sure how long he sits there but by the time Jim shows up his ass is numb and his eyes are dry and aching from staring at the far wall and not blinking. Jim sighs and shakes his head sadly, offering one hand out to Jared to help him up. Jared gladly takes it, barely stifling a chuckle when he sees that Jim is fully decked out as Bobby, trucker cap and all. Jim just raises an eyebrow and Jared forces the smile off his face, biting on the inside of his cheek to keep back the hysterical laughter. Nothing about this is funny.  
  
Jim follows him into the room, taking the lone chair next to Jensen’s bed. Jared leans against the wall, unable to take his eyes off Jensen’s face. He’s asleep, probably from whatever they’re pumping into him through the IV, and Jared almost doesn’t want to wake him. Maybe if they keep him drugged this will all be over sooner rather than later. He hates himself for even thinking it but he’s already come to terms with the fact that he’s running out of options and if this doesn’t work with Jim, he might have no choice.  
  
Jim glances up at him and Jared nods and shrugs his shoulders. Jim rolls his eyes but leans forward, gently grabbing Jensen’s shoulder. “Hey, kiddo,” Jim says softly.  
  
Jensen’s eyes flutter open and he licks his lips, his brow furrowing as his attention focuses on Jim. “What the hell’re you doin’, Jim?” Jensen slurs, obviously still under the effect of the drugs. The fact that Jensen said ‘Jim’ takes a few seconds to register in Jared’s exhausted mind but once it does, hope springs up in his chest, almost overwhelming, damn-near choking him..  
  
“Came to see how you’re feelin’, son,” Jim replies carefully, obviously not sure who he’s dealing with any more than Jared is.  
  
“Head hurts,” Jensen mutters, reaching up to rub at one temple. He blinks, confusion evident on his face as he looks at Jim. “You… How long was I out this time? You got here kinda quick, Bobby.”  
  
“Damnit,” Jared sighs, closing his eyes as he slumps back against the wall.  
  
“I was close, Dean,” Jim says softly.  
  
“That’s good,” Dean breathes, reaching out for the sleeve of Jim’s jacket. “There’s somethin’ goin’ on here, man. I don’t know what but I gotta get outta here…”  
  
“Whoa, now, son,” Bobby holds one hand up, glancing up just barely at Jared, “From what I understand, you’re pretty banged up. Why don’t you stay put and let the doctors fix you up?”  
  
“I’m sure that there are angels screwing around with everyone here, Bobby,” Dean insists.  
  
“Well, I’m here now, so don’t worry. Angels or not, this is still a hospital and you still need to get your melon fixed. Don’t worry ‘bout nothin’, kiddo. Me n’ yer idjit brother’ll take care’a the angel stuff.”  
  
Dean frowns and leans closer to Bobby. “That something we were talkin’ about? With Sam?” Dean probably either doesn’t realize that Jared is there or doesn’t really care and honestly at this point Jared’s not sure he cares either. He’s just so damn tired and he literally aches to have Jensen back. “He’s workin’ with freakin’ Ruby again, man.”  
  
“I’ll watch out for yer brother,” Jim promises with a small smile. “You just focus on gettin’ better, ya hear?”  
  
  
Dean nods, watching Bobby’s face closely. For a moment, when Bobby said ‘brother’, Dean’s mind supplied the name Josh – even though he doesn’t know anyone by that name – and he was concerned, worrying that something had happened to him. Looking at Bobby now, Dean keeps thinking the name Jim. He doesn’t know what the hell but he knows it probably isn’t good. Plus, all the confusion is making his head ache again.  
  
Even though he’s still not sure about all this, Dean settles back against the bed and nods one more time. He knows that Bobby will look after Sam – hell, he’ll look after both of them.  
  
The door to his room opens and a cute little nurse bustles in. She’s not as hot as Danneel – Dean honestly doubts that there are many women that are – but she’s still cute. She blushes when he smirks at her, her eyes downcast as she injects something else into his IV. He’s about to protest but Bobby just shakes his head. Dean rolls his eyes and turns his attention to Sam, wanting to make a joke or waggle his eyebrows, something to get a reaction out of his little brother. He just wants something normal for a few minutes.  
  
When his eyes catch on Sam though, his brother isn’t looking at him. Not directly anyway. The majority of his attention is on the nurse and where her hand is lightly cradling Dean’s arm, her thumb barely rubbing back and forth over the inside of his elbow. The look on Sam’s face is nearly unrecognizable. Honestly, if Dean didn’t know better – and it wasn’t completely crazy – he’d swear that was hurt and a slight bit of jealously in those hazel eyes.  
  
Which is just stupid. Jared should know by now how much he loves him.  
  
Dean blinks, his lips falling open slightly, as he continues to stare at Sam. Only, it’s not Sam. Not really. The drugs or whatever the nurse is pumping into him kicks in before he can say anything but before he goes under completely, Sam looks up, their eyes locking for just a second and the pain he sees takes his breath away.  
  
CHAPTER THREE

The nurse glances at Jared, then back at Jensen before hurrying from the room, a soft giggle echoing after she closes the door. Great, just what they need, someone who not only recognizes them but is probably a freaking fan.  
  
Jared scrubs one hand over his face and looks to Jim. “See what I mean?” he asks softly.  
  
“What the hell’d he mean you’re workin’ with Ruby again?” Jim asks, half amused, half concerned.  
  
“I had him at the house and Gen was there,” Jared sighs, tilting his head back against the wall, staring sightlessly at the ceiling. “Since he doesn’t know her as anyone but Ruby and he doesn’t trust me… Or well, Sam, right now…” Jared trails off with a shrug.  
  
“Well, he seemed to be remembering some, right?” Jim asks hopefully. “I mean, he called me Jim…”  
  
“Then he called you Bobby, too,” Jared points out. “I don’t even wanna suggest it, and I hate myself for even thinkin’ it, but I’m wondering if it’d be better to keep him unconscious.”  
  
“Tough call, kid,” Jim nods.  
  
“Can you hang out for a few while I go call Gen?” Jared asks softly.  
  
“’course, son,” Jim smiles. “I’ll stick around for a bit. Why don’t you go home and get some rest? Lord knows you need it. You look like hammered crap.”  
  
A surprised, but real, laugh bursts from Jared’s mouth and he could almost kiss Jim for just being Jim. He settles on a hug instead. “Thanks, old man,” he mutters, laughing again as he closes the door behind him to the sound of Jim calling him an idjit.  
  
Somehow, with Jim hanging around, Jensen – or well, Dean – calms down and agrees to stay put in the hospital, even though he still believes that something hinky is going on. After nearly a week, the headaches have eased up a bit and the dizziness is mostly gone. He’s finally starting to heal and if they keep the stress level down, there aren’t any additional setbacks. Jensen is starting to come out more and more, usually when he first wakes up or right before the pain medicine makes him pass out again but Jared takes that as a good sign. It means that there’s hope, that all of Jensen is still in there somewhere.  
  
Sera and Bob have agreed to hold off production as long as possible, shooting around the scenes that require Jared and Jensen but Jared knows that they can’t put it off forever. And he has no freaking clue what they’ll do if Jensen’s recovery lasts much longer.  
  
Jared hangs out at the hospital as much as possible. Depending on Dean’s mood, he’ll stay in the room with him. If not, he’s just outside in the waiting room. He’s still at a loss as to how to fix this but he can’t force himself to leave, even when Dean is in a mood, arguing and accusing. Jensen is still in there and Jared will be damned if he leaves him.  
  
Thankfully, he doesn’t see Danneel but he thinks that has more to do with the fact that he finally broke down and told Gen everything about what she did and he’s pretty sure Gen tracked her down than her just not being around.  
  
Exactly a week after Dean was brought back in, Dr. Cooper finds Jared in the waiting room – Dean is having an especially bad day and Jared left him in Jim’s care, even though he feels guilty for doing so.  
  
“So,” Dr. Cooper starts, taking a seat next to Jared, glancing briefly at Gen who is sitting on Jared’s other side, keeping him company. “Physically, Jensen is almost back at a hundred percent. The headaches are manageable and the dizziness is gone. We’re ready to release him.”  
  
That’s a good thing. It means that Jensen is really, truly better. But Jared still panics. “But he… He’s still having the memory problems.”  
  
“I know,” Dr. Cooper smiles sadly. “And unfortunately there’s just nothing we can do about amnesia here, Jared. Honestly, getting him out of the hospital and trying to make things as normal as possible may help him.”  
  
Jared nods, lost in thought, barely noticing the other man leave. The last time he took Jensen home, he flipped out. But logically he knows that Dr. Cooper is right, Jensen doesn’t need to stay here any longer. Gen’s hand on his arm startles him and he snaps his attention to her.  
  
“What the hell am I gonna do? I can’t take him home…”  
  
“What’d I tell you about thinking like Sam?” Gen asks softly. “I get that you wanna take him home, I do. But that’s Jared’s response. What would Sam do?”  
  
“Sam would… Sam would take him to a motel and try to be as normal as possible.”  
  
“Well, there you go,” Gen smiles. “I’ll stay at the house with the dogs, you take Jensen to a motel, probably best to take him to a different one than Danni did, and take it from there.”  
  
“Okay,” Jared sighs, running one hand through his hair. “He’s gonna wanna talk though, Gen.”  
  
“Sweetie, he’s not really Dean. So talk to him,” she shrugs. “Tell him the truth or make something up, whatever. It’s not like he’s going to go back to his world with knowledge that’ll hurt him.”  
  
Jared smiles and wraps one arm around her small frame, pulling her against his side. “I’d be lost without you, ya know that, right?” he says softly.  
  
“I’m just glad I was here to help,” Gen replies just as softly, leaning up to press a kiss to his cheek. “Let me know where y’all end up when you can. And just… talk to him, Jay.”  
  
Jared leaves long enough to find a crappy motel – one that Dean will feel comfortable in – and stops by the set, thankful as hell that Sera and Bob understand what he’s trying to do and let him borrow one of the Impalas. Jensen is released the next day, his expression guarded, his eyes hard, until they get outside and he sees the car.  
  
For the first time since all this started, Jared sees Dean’s smile – that little boy grin that he and Jensen share and that makes Jared’s heart skip a beat – and he runs his hand over the hood. “Hey, baby,” Dean whispers, his voice gruff. “Least some things haven’t changed.”  
  
Jared gets him into the passenger’s seat and drives them to the motel that he found. He grabs the two duffels that he packed with some clothes from wardrobe and ushers Dean inside. Dean nods in thanks and grabs some clean clothes then heads to the shower. Jared takes the time to text Gen and let her know where they are and that they got there okay then throws his phone in ‘Sam’s’ bag. He flops down on the mattress, trying not to think about the fact that Jensen is just on the other side of that thin, fake wood door, naked and wet… Jared blinks and sits up, groaning softly. He can’t think about Jensen as Jensen right now. That’ll just make missing him even worse.  
  
  
Dean showers and shaves and changes into clean clothes before heading back out into the main room. Sam is sitting on the bed furthest from the door, his head in his hands, his shoulders slumped. Dean sighs and flops down onto the other bed, kicking the tip of Sam’s boot with his own. Sam’s eyes are haunted when he looks up and for a second Dean feels the pain he can see in those hazel depths like it is his own. He scrubs one hand over his face and shakes his head, pushing aside those weird, disturbing thoughts.  
  
“So, you ready to talk?”  
  
Sam sighs and smiles sadly. “Not really,” he damn-near whispers. “But I know we need to.”  
  
“You’re damn right we do,” Dean growls. “You’ve been different for months, man. But this, recently, has been so much worse. What the hell’s going on with you?” Sam licks his lips and squeezes his eyes closed for a second. When he reopens them, there’s a look of determination in his eyes that Dean has seen so many times before. And he knows that Sam is going to tell him the truth, finally.  
  
“What ‘m about to tell you probably isn’t going to make any sense but I just need you to hear me, okay? Even if you don’t really believe me, just at least hear me out. Then if need be, I can prove it to you.”  
  
“Okay,” Dean nods.  
  
“And you promise that you won’t interrupt?”  
  
“Yes,” Dean snaps. “Jesus, just get to it already, Sam.”  
  
“Alright,” Sam sighs. “To start with, the reason that I seem different, especially since you got hurt, is because I’m not actually Sam. I know that I look just like him and everything but I’m not Sam. And as far as the reason that Sam seems so different to you since he got back is because for some reason, he has no soul.”  
  
“Wait,” Dean snaps, frowning. “What do you mean you aren’t Sam and that you’re missing your soul?”  
  
“You promised that you wouldn’t interrupt,” Sam sighs. “I tried to explain this to you before but you didn’t listen. My name is Jared Padalecki and I’m an actor. I play Sam Winchester on a TV show called  _Supernatural_. Your name is Jensen Ackles and you play Dean Winchester. Dr. Cooper advised against telling you the truth, worried that it might make you worse but your head wound is better so I figured that it couldn’t hurt. Just waiting and trying to let you remember on your own really isn’t working.”  
  
“What’s the whole soul missing thing?”  
  
“In the show, Sam came back from Lucifer’s cage without his soul. We haven’t gotten far enough in the season yet to know how or why. We were filming the episode that takes place right before Dean finds out about Sam’s missing soul.”  
  
“This is all ridiculous, you realize that right?” Dean grits out. “Can’t you see, Sammy? This is some messed up alternate reality or something. The angels are screwing with us.”  
  
“There are no angels, Jensen,” Sam insists softly. “Just more actors that play angels on our show.”  
  
Dean can feel the tension building behind his eyes, his temples throbbing. The things that Sam, or Jared, is saying sounds familiar but so does what Dean believes to be true. It’s like having memories of two different lives, two different people, but neither of them seem real.  
  
“What about Ruby then?”  
  
“That,” Jared sighs, smiling softly, “isn’t Ruby. Her name is Genevieve and she played Ruby a few years ago.”  
  
“And that nurse, Danneel?”  
  
A dark look passes over Sam’s, Jared’s, whoever’s face and he shakes his head. “Danneel has never been on the show but we know her. It’s… It’s a long damn story.”  
  
“I’ve got time,” Dean shrugs.  
  
“We’ll get to her later,” Sam shakes his head again. “I know you still don’t believe me, at least not totally, I can see it in your eyes. But I can show you.”  
  
“Okay,” Dean replies slowly, carefully.  
  
“Thanks,” Sam smiles. “C’mon, let’s go.”  
  
“Where?” Dean asks skeptically.  
  
“I’m gonna take you and show you our set, introduce you to some people.”  
  
  
Jensen’s quiet in the car, all the way to set. Jared knows that he’s still skeptical, that he’s mostly still dealing with Dean, but he also thinks that he’s making progress. When Jensen had first come out of the bathroom and sat down, wanting to talk, Jared was still prepared to keep with the plan, go along and pretend to be Sam, explain as much as he could about the soul thing. But when he lifted his head and looked at Jensen, a wave of longing hit him hard enough to damn-near break him and he just couldn’t do it. So he opened his mouth and the truth, the  _whole_  truth, just came pouring out.  
  
Jared parks the Impala outside Jensen’s trailer and gets out, knowing that Jensen will follow. He lets them into the trailer with the key he has and watches as Jensen looks around. There are signs of Jensen everywhere, his jacket over the back of the chair, his watch on the table, the controllers for the Playstation still sitting on the table in front of the TV, a copy of the script for the episode they were filming tossed on the couch. Jared picks up the script and flips back a few pages, to the phone conversation between Lisa and Dean and hands it to Jensen.  
  
“Here,” he says softly. “That’s the episode we were shooting when you got hurt.”  
  
Jensen starts reading, his brow furrowed, and sits down on the couch blindly. Jared pulls out his phone and calls Misha and Cindy, hoping like hell that they’re both on set and can stop by. Turns out they are and are more than happy to come over. Jensen’s frown deepens the more he reads, occasionally glancing up at Jared. There’s a part of Jared that feels bad for doing this, for pushing and confusing him but he just can’t take this anymore.  
  
Cindy shows up first and Jensen gasps when he sees her, his wide eyes flickering from her to Jared. “Jensen,” Jared says softly, carefully, making sure he has Jensen’s attention, “this is Cindy. She plays Lisa.”  
  
Of all the women they’ve had on over the years, Jared likes Cindy almost as much as he likes Gen. She’s sweet and funny and not at all uncomfortable being on a set full of guys who sometimes act more like teenage boys.  
  
Cindy sits down on the table in front of Jensen and smiles. “Hey, Jensen,” she says softly, reaching out to grab his hand, squeezing his fingers slightly. “Jay tells me that you got hurt. How’re you feeling now?”  
  
“Uh, better,” Jensen whispers, staring at her hard. “And you… Your name is Cindy?”  
  
Cindy glances quickly at Jared and he nods at her. “Yeah, I’m Cindy.”  
  
“Not Lisa?”  
  
“No, I just play Lisa.”  
  
Before anyone can say anything else, the trailer door bangs open and Misha bounds inside. Jensen’s head snaps up and the relief in his eyes is all Dean and Jared clenches his jaw, his hands curling into fists.  
  
“Cas,” Dean shakes his head, glancing at Cindy quickly before standing up and crossing to Misha’s side. “Man, something is fucked up around here. Tell me that you can help.”  
  
Misha glances at Jared and Jared can only hope and pray that for once Misha doesn’t go for the joke. He shakes his head, his eyes pleading. Misha isn’t a bad guy and they’re actually pretty good friends with him, but he’s even more of a play-baby than Jared is most of the time.  
  
Misha must sense the severity of the situation because he shakes his head, one hand coming up to grip Jensen’s shoulder. “I’m not Castiel, Jensen,” he says quietly, in his normal voice. “My name is Misha. Cas is my character. You’re just confused, buddy.”  
  
Jensen looks between the three of them, his lips moving but no sound coming out. Jared sees the panic attack happen before it even does but he’s across the room and can’t get to Jensen before he tears out of the trailer, taking off at a dead run.  
  
“Shit,” Jared growls, taking off after Jensen, Misha and Cindy trailing behind.  
  
Jared may have the longer legs but Jensen is fast. Especially when he’s freaked. Jared eventually stumbles upon him, standing outside the part of the set they use for Bobby’s yard. He’s staring at the shell of the house that they use for external shots, his chest heaving.  
  
“Jensen,” Jared whispers, pleading.  
  
Jensen spins around, pointing one finger at Jared. “Stay the hell away from me,” he growls. “Leave me the fuck alone.”  
  
He takes off through the maze of cars and Jared gets lost following. Eventually he manages to get back to Jensen’s trailer, his heart sinking when he sees that the Impala is not where he left it.  
  
  
It’s all too much.  
  
Dean had ran as far and as fast as he could, thankful that he’s always been just that little bit faster than his brother. He’s thankful that Sam left the keys on the table and that he’d thought to pocket them before taking off. Now he’s behind the wheel of his baby where he belongs, driving away from the crazy.  
  
Once he’s far enough away that he doesn’t think that they’ll easily be able to follow him, Dean turns off the main road and pulls in behind a group of trees that pretty much completely obscure him from the highway. He jumps out and pops open the trunk, tired of not having a weapon on him. He feels freaking naked without at least a gun and a knife or two. He props up the false bottom, his eyes widening when he sees probably about half of what should be in there. Picking up item after item, Dean’s confusion and angers grows. Everything is fake. The knives are rubber and the guns have the firing pins removed. There’s not a single, real weapon in the whole trunk. Clinching his jaw, Dean slams the lid and leans against the back bumper, his mind racing, trying to put together what could have done this. Djinn? That doesn’t really make a lick of sense and doesn’t fit in with their M.O. Maybe a freaking Trickster. They like to play games, twist reality. But the only Trickster that Dean knew was Gabriel. Surely there are others though. His best guess is still the freaking angels but even the angel blade that he keeps is a freaking fake.  
  
Dean closes his eyes, not sure what the hell to do at this point. A sound further off into the trees grabs his attention and Dean turns toward it, sees a guy pressing a girl up against one of the trees, her head tilted back, his fingers in her hair, his mouth on her neck. She’s squirming, pushing against his chest and Dean hears a faint “No” fall from her lips. Not even considering that he doesn’t have a weapon, Dean takes off at a run, ready to tackle the guy – he’s pretty sure it’s a vamp – when he hears her say, “C’mon, told you. No marks. My daddy’ll have a fit.”  
  
Dean frowns but keeps going, knocking the vamp away from the girl. “Are you okay?” he asks quickly, pleased to see that she’s not bleeding.  
  
“Dude, what the hell?” she frowns, pulling away from Dean.  
  
The vamp tries to get up but Dean pushes him back down, one hand squeezing around his throat. “S-stop…” the vamp gasps. “Please…”  
  
Dean tilts his head, not seeing the tell-tale signs of teeth. With his other hand, his lifts the vamp’s lip, blinking when he sees just a straight row of human teeth. “What are you?!” Dean demands.  
  
The girl screams and grabs Dean’s shoulder, trying to pull him away. “Get off’a him!” she yells. “I’m gonna call the cops.”  
  
“He was hurting you,” Dean grits out, not taking his eye off the enemy, one of the first lessons his dad taught him.  
  
“No, he wasn’t,” she huffs. “He’s my boyfriend.”  
  
“He’s a damn vampire,” Dean grits out. “C’mon you fugly bastard, show me those fangs.” As much as he doesn’t want to touch the filthy bastard, he pushes down on his gums, shocked when nothing happens.  
  
The guy finally squirms away from him and scoots backward, the girl dropping to her knees, one hand palming his jaw. “You okay, baby?” she asks softly.  
  
Dean blinks, confused.  
  
“Yeah, I’m okay. Call the cops though, okay?”  
  
Not wanting to wait for the cops to show up, Dean runs back to the Impala and peels off, not sure what the hell happened. He was  _sure_  that kid was a vamp and was attacking that girl. He really, really needs to get a handle on this shit, get his head on straight.  
  
So he does what he does when he needs to think, to figure shit out. He drives.  
  
Even though he wasn’t really sure where he was going and he didn’t really plan it, he ends up back at the hotel Danneel was staying at. She opens the door when he knocks, looking over his shoulder, only relaxing when she sees that he’s alone. Dean slams the door behind him and reaches for her, desperate to not think about Sam or Jared or Lisa or Cas or anything else that he saw wherever that was that Sam took him.  
  
Danneel makes a surprised noise in the back of her throat but kisses him back, her arms wrapping around his shoulders. He slides his hands down her ass and lifts, groaning when she wraps her legs around his waist. He presses her against the wall, kissing her hard and fast. Behind his closed eyes he can see Sam, or really Jared, and the hurt in his eyes, the longing, the truth behind his words. But he doesn’t want to believe what he was told, doesn’t want to think about any of it.  
  
Pulling away from the wall, Dean stumbles toward the bed and drops Danneel onto the mattress. She’s blinking up at him, her brown eyes dark, her lips swollen and her auburn hair falling messily around her shoulders. She’s beautiful and Dean wants her. Or at least he thinks that he  _should_  want her.  
  
With a growl, he reaches for her shirt, tugging it up and off, smirking when he sees that she’s not wearing a bra, her more-than-a-handful breasts milky-white, her nipples already pulled tight into sharp little buds. Instead of waiting for him to do it, Danneel reaches down and undoes her jeans, wiggling them down and off. The white lacy panties she’s wearing don’t leave anything to the imagination and Dean bites down on his bottom lip, not understanding why he’s not hard as a rock right now.  
  
Flashes of images flicker in his mind, Jared spread out on a huge bed, grinning up at him, heat in his eyes. Dean squeezes his own eyes closed, hears his own voice whispering words of love, sees his own hands on Jared’s hips, sees himself pushing into Jared… Or is it Sam?

  
  
Dean stumbles back, hitting the wall, his eyes snapping open. Danneel sits up, her brow furrowed, concern obvious in her eyes. “You’re not still hurt, are you?”  
  
Dean shakes his head, his mouth dry. “I… I can’t,” he rasps. “I don’t… Jared…”  
  
Danneel’s shoulders slump and her expression turns cold. “So you’re remembering then?” she asks bitterly.  
  
“What’re you talking about?” Dean asks, eyes narrowed. “Do you know what’s going on with me?”  
  
“You said Jared. Which means that you’re remembering, Jensen.” She reaches for a shirt and Dean notices it’s the over-shirt he left here before. She doesn’t button it, leaves the sides open, and crawls off the mattress. “You’re  _my_ husband,” she grits out. “You loved  _me_  at one point. Then you met Jared and everything got all fucked up.”  
  
The world tips on its axis and Dean suddenly can’t breathe. “So it’s true,” he whispers, mostly to himself, shaking his head. “Wait, we’re married?”  
  
“Yes, not that it matters to you and Jared,” Danneel huffs.  
  
“You knew how it was, Danni. You know I love him.” Dean blinks, not sure where the words come from but knowing without a doubt that they’re true. “I… I gotta go.”  
  
“Jensen wait!” Danneel cries out.  
  
He shakes his head and stumbles out the door, leaning heavily against the side of the Impala. He reaches into his jacket pocket for the keys, surprised when he finds a cell phone. Pulling the phone out, he turns it on, the first speed dial listing ‘Jared’. He presses the button and holds his breath while it rings.  
  
“Jensen?” Jared breathes.  
  
“I… I don’t know,” Dean whispers.  
  
“Okay, ‘s okay. Where are you?”  
  
“Hotel,” he grits out.  
  
“Can you make it back to the motel that I took you to?”  
  
“I… Yeah, I think so.”  
  
“Okay, I’ll meet you there. Be careful.”  
  
  
Gen, Misha, Cindy and Jim all look at him expectantly as he hangs up. “That was Jen,” Jared mutters. “Something’s wrong. I gotta go.”  
  
His friends and costars all nod, wishing him luck and Jared runs out of Jensen’s trailer, thankful that Clif left the SUV there. When Jensen had taken off, Jared was at a complete loss, beside himself with worry. He’d called Jim and Genevieve and the five of them sat around, trying to figure out what to do.  
  
The drive to the motel feels like it takes forever and Jared’s heart feels like it’s going to pound out of his chest. He sighs heavily when he finally turns into the lot, seeing the Impala parked in front of the room he rented earlier. Jensen is sitting on the hood, his head in his hands, his shoulders shaking hard enough that Jared can see it even from across the lot.  
  
Jensen looks up when he hears Jared slam the door of the SUV, his green eyes red-rimmed and lost. Jared closes the distance between them, stopping short before he can pull Jensen into his arms like he desperately wants to.  
  
“What happened? Are you okay?” Jared asks quickly.  
  
“I… I don’t know,” Jensen whispers. “I… I didn’t know where to go when I took off, I just wanted to get away from everything, ya know?” Jared nods, his fingers twitching with the urge to touch, to soothe the look off Jensen’s beautiful face. “So I went back to Danneel’s hotel. I thought that if I could just do what I usually do… Anyway, there she was, in just her freaking panties and all I could think about was you.”  
  
Jared’s heart slams against his ribs and he can’t get a decent breath. He’ll be heartbroken if anything happened between Jensen and Danni but he can’t actually blame him. Jensen doesn’t even know who he is right now. “What,” Jared croaks out, stopping to clear his throat, “What happened?”  
  
“I couldn’t do it,” Jensen grits out. “Had the hottest girl I’ve seen in a long damn time, right there and willing, and I couldn’t fuckin’ do it.” He swallows, shaking his head. “What are you to me? Danneel said I was married to her but I know, deep down, that it isn’t like that, that I love you. Make me understand this.”  
  
“C’mon, let’s go inside and I’ll tell you everything,” Jared urges.  
  
Jensen follows him into the room, leans against the wall, his arms crossed. “Talk,” he demands.  
  
Jared flops down on the bed and looks up at Jensen, smiling softly. “You and I… You’re my best friend, Jen. We’ve been best friends since day one practically. But yet you’re so much more. We’re together, in love, but we can’t be open about it…”  
  
“So we’re gay?” Jensen asks, his nose wrinkled.  
  
“No, not really. We’re both bi. We’ve been with other guys, nothing serious, and we’ve been with girls. Mostly, it’s just… It’s us. We’ve never really worried about labels before. But in our world, especially since we’re on a show where we play brothers, we can’t come out and be together, openly.”  
  
“How long have we been, ya know?” Jensen waves a hand between them.  
  
“Since sometime in season two. It wasn’t serious at first, but it turned serious pretty quick when we realized that it was more than just sex, that we love each other. We live together, in the house I took you to last week. But yeah, you are married to Danni and I’m married to Gen. It’s a PR thing. Those relationships aren’t real.” Jared gets up and moves closer to Jensen, unable to resist anymore. Jensen flinches when Jared’s fingers curl around his wrist but he doesn’t pull away. “It’s me and you, Jensen,” he whispers.  
  
“I don’t… I don’t really remember this,” Jensen replies softly, what sounds a lot like regret in his tone. “I mean, all I knew was that I couldn’t go through with it with Danni, it didn’t feel right. And all I could see when I closed my eyes was you, smiling at me, spread out on what I’m assuming is our bed, your eyes glittering. And I guess somewhere deep down, I knew that if I slept with her, it’d hurt you.” Jensen shakes his head, searching Jared’s eyes. “I don’t know who I am anymore,” he adds, barely above a whisper. “I don’t know if I’m Dean or Jensen or some combination of both or what. ‘m so fuckin’ confused, so lost.”  
  
“I’m sorry, Jen,” Jared whispers, squeezing Jensen’s wrist. “I wish I could help, I do. But believe me when I tell you that you’re Jensen. Dean isn’t real. Sure, he’s a part of you, but he’s just your character.”  
  
“Will it come back?” Jensen asks, soft and a little broken.  
  
“It’s already startin’ to, babe,” Jared smiles. “Is there… Is there anything I can do to help?”  
  
“Maybe… maybe if you take me home, show me our life?”  
  
Jared’s heart skips a beat and he can feel tears stinging his eyes. “Of course, Jen. Whatever you need.”  
  
  
Jensen listens as Jared calls someone named Clif to come pick up the Impala, explaining to Jensen afterwards that the car isn’t really theirs, that it’s part of the show. Jensen is still confused, still doesn’t really remember his life or his relationship with Jared but at least he’s now pretty sure that he isn’t Dean Winchester. At least he gets that much.  
  
Jared drives him to the house he remembers from last week, the house that he confronted Ruby – who he thought was Ruby – in, a bright, dimpled grin curling up his lips the entire time. They don’t talk but he can tell that Jared wants to. He just hopes that he doesn’t disappoint Jared. He doesn’t want to be the reason that beautiful smile disappears or the reason the sadness comes back.  
  
Jared lets them into the house, his expectant gaze watching intently as Jensen looks around. Jensen jerks when two huge dogs come running toward him, tails wagging, tongues hanging out. He hears Jared chuckle softly and he looks over his shoulder, noticing the sadness in Jared’s eyes. “That’s Harley and Sadie,” Jared points to each dog in turn then turns his attention back to Jensen. “They love you but especially Sadie. She’s totally your girl.” Jensen hesitates for a second, glancing at Jared, waiting for his slight nod, before he kneels down. Both dogs go crazy, licking and pushing against him but Harley loses interest pretty quick, heading instead for Jared, who leans down and grabs his face, nuzzling and talking softly to the big guy. Sadie leans against him, looking up with big, chocolate-brown eyes that kind of remind him a little of Jared. Jensen smiles and buries his face in the soft fur of her neck, rubbing her ears. “Sorry, girl,” Jensen whispers. He just keeps feeling like he’s letting everyone down, even Jared’s dogs.  
  
After playing with Harley and Sadie for a few moments, Jared helps him off the floor and leads him further into the house. The first room they enter is the living room and there are pictures on the walls, some of Jared and who Jensen instinctively knows is Jared’s family. Others are of him and who he guesses is his family – the people look sort of familiar but Jensen can’t really place them other than in the abstract. But mostly there are pictures of him and Jared. There are a few that seem to be from red carpet events but mostly they’re candid shots, the two of them with their arms around each other, sometimes smiling at whoever is taking the picture, sometimes completely focused on each other. There are pictures from holidays and birthdays and some from the set. Jensen blinks owlishly, a little overwhelmed to be honest.  


 

  
He glances over his shoulder at Jared, sees him looking at the same pictures. “Five and a half years’ worth,” Jared says softly, like he’s reading Jensen’s mind, not looking at him. “Like I said, we were friends first. Our families are friends. Our whole lives intertwined when we met,” Jared finally looks at him, sadness and love radiating from his eyes. “My parents came up when you got hurt,” he whispers. “You’re like another son to them.”  
  
“I wish I could remember,” Jensen replies quietly.  
  
“You will,” Jared murmurs. “C’mon, let’s keep going.”  
  
Jared leads him through the house, pointing out things – Jensen’s guitar and the watch he gave Jared for his birthday this year, old scripts and pictures from photoshoots, boxsets from the shows they’ve been in and DVD’s of their movies, the rings that they exchanged in their own private ceremony after their weddings to the girls, pictures in albums from trips they took together. There’s a whole life, their life  _together_ , within these walls and Jensen still can’t really grab a hold of any of it, at least not in any concrete way.  
  
They end up back in the living room, sitting side by side on the deep couch cushions, their thighs almost touching. Jensen glances at Jared, sees him once again looking at the pictures on the wall and wonders if Jared is missing that Jensen, wonders if Jared is feeling like he took it all for granted. He wonders when the last time either of them really took the time to look at the pictures, the proof of life and love.  
  
“I’m sorry, Jared,” Jensen hears himself say softly.  
  
Jared blinks and looks at him, his brow furrowed. “For what?”  
  
“For all this, for not remembering, for not being… him,” Jensen sighs, flailing one hand toward the pictures.  
  
“But you are,” Jared counters.  
  
“Not really,” Jensen argues. “I can’t remember the first time we kissed, the first time we said I love you, nothing.”  
  
“But you’re getting better,” Jared smiles. “And hey, at least you’re not still thinkin’ that you’re Dean and you don’t hate me anymore.” Jared sighs, his brow furrowing, his eyes dropping to his lap where his fingers are twisting in the hem of his t-shirt. “I think that was the worst part,” he whispers. “Once you woke up and I knew that I wasn’t going to actually lose you, I still lost you. You… You were so angry and suspicious and it hurt so much.”  
  
Jared’s voice cracks and he takes a shuddering breath. Without thinking, acting purely on instinct, Jensen moves closer and wraps his arm around Jared’s shoulders, pulling him against his side. Jared inhales shakily and turns, curling his massive frame toward Jensen, his face buried in Jensen’s neck.  
  
“Shh,” Jensen murmurs. “It’s okay, Jay. I’m sorry, baby. Never meant to hurt you.”  
  
“I know that,” Jared sighs, his voice muffled. “And I kept telling myself it wasn’t you and it wasn’t me but it still… I just wanted you to be better, I wanted to help you, and I couldn’t and it hurt.”  
  
Jensen presses his lips to the top of Jared’s head and closes his eyes. He’s tired and his head is starting to hurt a little but Jared needs him, needs this, right now and he’s hurt the younger man enough as it is. He feels Jared’s lips brush against the skin under his jaw and a shiver slides down his spine.  
  
Jensen opens his eyes when Jared pulls his head back and looks up at him, hazel eyes big and glassy and so full of need and love that it kind of takes Jensen’s breath away. Once again Jensen acts without thinking, dipping his head, his lips brushing against Jared’s.  
  
Jared makes a soft, almost hurt noise in the back of his throat and pulls away, and Jensen sees a few tears slip down his cheeks before he turns away. “It’s late,” Jared whispers, his voice rough. “We should get some rest, especially you, you’re still recovering after all. And I can tell you’re head’s starting to hurt.” Jensen frowns in confusion and Jared turns back toward him and smiles softly, his fingers brushing over Jensen’s brow. “You squint when your head hurts,” he explains softly, “and you get this crease right here,” his fingers move down between Jensen’s eyebrows. “So c’mon, I’ll show you to the guest room.”  
  
“Can I stay with you?” Jensen blurts out without thinking.  
  
  
Jared’s eyes squeeze closed and even though it probably isn’t the best idea, he nods, reaching out and taking Jensen’s hand in his, leading him upstairs to their bedroom. Truth be told, he doesn’t want to spend any more time without Jensen, definitely doesn’t want to spend another night alone in their bed, but he can’t help but wonder if this will just end up hurting more in the end. He hadn’t meant to lay all that on Jensen earlier, hadn’t meant to confess how much it hurt. But it was the truth. Even though he tried not to let it, it hurt, so much he almost couldn’t breathe with it.  
  
They strip down to their boxer briefs and t-shirts and crawl into bed in silence. Jensen cards one hand through his hair and presses a kiss to his lips, wrapping Jared in his arms and holding him close. It takes a long time for them to fall asleep.  
  
Jared wakes up alone in bed. He sits straight up, scared for a second that it was all just a dream, and looks frantically around the room. He breathes a sigh of relief when he sees Jensen standing in front of the dresser, his head bent, something in his hands. It takes Jared a second to realize that he’s looking at one of the pictures he’d shown Jensen yesterday. It’s honestly one of his favorites, taken when they first went from friends to more. In it, Jared is making a face at the camera but Jensen is looking up at him with so much love in his eyes to this day it still makes Jared’s stomach swoop and tingle.  
  
“Jen?” Jared whispers.  
  
Jensen glances over his shoulder, the most heartbreaking look in his eyes. “Y’know,” he says softly, shaking his head, “I wanna be able to remember, for myself, my family, work, but mostly so I can give him back to you.”  
  
Jared doesn’t know what to say to that, his throat too tight to try even if he did. Jensen sets the picture aside and walks back to the bed, sitting down next to Jared, leaning back against the headboard. Jared swallows thickly and clears his throat. “Did you sleep?” he rasps.  
  
“No,” Jensen sighs, rubbing one hand down over his face. “Too much swirling around in my head, I guess.” Jared snorts out a humorless chuckle and wiggles closer to Jensen’s side, glancing up at him before laying his head down on Jensen’s stomach. Jensen’s hand automatically comes up, fingers gently carding through Jared’s hair. “Can I ask you something?” Jensen asks softly.  
  
“’course, anything,” Jared replies easily.  
  
“It’s something Danneel said,” Jensen sighs. “How I loved her before you came along. And I guess I’m wondering what she meant and why she did what she did if the marriage isn’t real.”  
  
Jared closes his eyes, rubs his cheek against the warm cotton covering Jensen’s stomach. “You and Danni did date, before us. And as for the other, I don’t know, Jen. I’ve kinda always had the feeling that she hates me or resents me, whatever. It’s kinda obvious that she still has feelings for you, even though she knew what the deal was when she agreed to it.”  
  
They lapse into silence, slightly strained, but Jared can’t talk himself into letting go, into putting the space between them he knows that he should. He falls back to sleep with Jensen’s fingers still moving through his hair.  
  
  
Jensen tightens his hold around Jared, unable to take his eyes off the younger man as he falls back to sleep. He feels like a creepy stalker but Jared’s beautiful and when he sleeps, the weight of all this crap lifts and he looks so peaceful. Hell, he spent most of the night before just lying there, silently watching him, wishing that he knew how to fix this for Jared.  
  
Seeing the pain in his eyes, hearing it in his voice, makes Jensen ache. From the moment that he finally realized that he wasn’t really Dean Winchester, he’d been trying so hard to just remember, even one little detail. But it’s still just one big blank. And he hates it. He may not remember but he knows that he loves Jared, can see it written all over his own face in the dozens of pictures of them around the house. And it’s so overwhelmingly obvious how much Jared loves him too, how much he misses Jensen.  
  
It’s weird for someone to miss you when you’re sitting right next to them.  
  
Jared’s phone rings from the table next to the bed and Jared jerks awake, bleary hazel eyes settling on him as if to check that he’s still there before Jared rolls over and grabs his cell. Jared’s shoulders slump when he checks the caller ID, his gaze flickering back to Jensen as he answers it.  
  
“Hey, Sera,” Jared answers and Jensen can tell that he’s forcing the smile onto his face, into his voice. Jared’s eyes slide closed and he leans heavily against Jensen’s side. Jensen doesn’t hesitate, just wraps his arm around Jared’s waist, somehow knowing that he needs the support right now. “Yeah, no… I understand. Nothing’s really changed… I, uh, yeah. Sure, I can do that… Alright. Monday.”  
  
Jared hangs up, chewing on his bottom lip. “What’s wrong?” Jensen asks softly, rubbing gently up and down Jared’s side.  
  
“That was Sera,” Jared replies softly, finally turning to look at Jensen. “She’s the showrunner. Seems the network is on their asses about getting back to shooting…”  
  
Jensen’s heart slams against his ribs, his eyes wide and he shakes his head at Jared. “I just… I can’t. Jared…” The thought of screwing up the show, something that they’ve been doing for so long, something that they both obviously care about, scares him almost as much as disappointing Jared.  
  
“No, I know,” Jared smiles but it doesn’t really reach his eyes. Jensen wonders what that smile looks like when it isn’t strained. “And so does Sera and Bob and even the network. They’re not going to push you, they wouldn’t. But I gotta go back Monday. Me, Misha and Jim will just shoot around your scenes.”  
  
“That’s not fair,” Jensen frowns. “I don’t want you to have to do extra work…”  
  
“I won’t be. They’ll just film the stuff you’re not in. Probably rework a few episodes…” Jared shrugs. “It’ll be okay, Jen. Everyone just wants you to get better.”  
  
Jensen can’t help but think that that’s easier said than done.  
  
CHAPTER FOUR

Jared and Jensen spend the rest of Saturday and Sunday hanging out around the house. Gen stops by, teasing Jensen about the whole Ruby thing and Jared basks in Jensen’s laugh – his second favorite sound in the world. Jensen asks more questions about their lives together, his life before he met Jared and Jared even talks him into calling his parents Sunday night. It’s a short but emotional call – Jared ends up having to take the phone, hurting when he realizes Donna’s in tears. Jensen locks himself in the spare room for hours and when he comes out, his eyes are swollen and red-rimmed. He apologizes to Jared for running off and hiding, curling up on the couch with Jared, practically hiding against Jared’s side. It’s weird and a total role-reversal. Jensen is so strong and protective, so much like Dean, that usually it’s Jared seeking his warmth and strength, Jensen who holds Jared. But it doesn’t matter, he’ll do whatever it takes.  
  
Leaving Jensen on Monday morning is enough to give Jared a panic attack. He’s terrified that something will happen and he won’t be there to help Jensen or that he’ll relapse and Jared will come home to Dean again. Mostly, he’s afraid that he’ll come home and Jensen will just be gone.  
  
He makes Clif turn around three blocks from the house and runs back inside, his hands and voice trembling when he begs Jensen to go with him. Even if Jensen just sits in Jared’s trailer all day, at least that will make Jared feel better. Hell, seeing everything might end up helping Jensen’s memory.  
  
Jensen hangs out and watches a few scenes but mostly stays in Jared’s trailer. Surprisingly, the day goes off without a hitch. Everyone wants to talk to Jensen, to see how he’s doing and welcome him back and even though Jared knows they mean well, he talks them out of it. The last thing they need is to have Jensen even more overwhelmed.  
  
Tuesday goes about the same and Jensen ventures out of the trailer more, watching more, and Jared can’t help but smile, thinking that this is good for him.  
  
Wednesday is when all hell breaks loose.  
  
It starts off like any other day. Jensen is sitting off set, watching and Jared has a simple fight scene to film and they can take off for the rest of the day. He’s not sure what happens, or how it happens, but when he’s tossed backward by the monster of the week, Jared lands all wrong. Pain shoots up his right arm as he tries to catch himself and Jared collapses, groaning softly. Phil’s directing and he’s always been one of the most attentive directors and today is no different. He calls cut as soon as he sees Jared hit, knowing that he landed wrong. But before he even gets the word out, Jensen is on his feet, running full-tilt toward Jared.  
  
He skids to a stop, landing heavily on his knees, one hand cradling Jared’s face, the other gently holding his arm at the elbow. Jensen doesn’t look away from him – emerald-green eyes dark with concern – but he’s barking orders over his shoulder to anyone who will listen.  
  
“Damnit, Phil,” Jensen growls. “Get the fuckin’ medic over here. Clif get the car, we’re takin’ him to the hospital, need to make sure he didn’t break it again.”  
  
Even through the pain, Jared’s eyes widen and he gasps. “Jensen?” he whispers.  
  
“Don’t you dare try’n get out of it, Jay,” Jensen murmurs. “It’s best to check. Remember what happened last time? You waited and ended up in surgery. And you know that wrist has been weaker ever since.”  
  
  
Jared blinks owlishly at him, his eyes glazing over with tears. “Is it that bad?” Jensen asks softly, his thumb brushing over the inside of Jared’s elbow.  
  
“N-no,” Jared whispers and Jensen can’t understand why Jared’s staring at him like he has two heads.  
  
“What?” Jensen frowns.  
  
“Of course  _I_  remember,” Jared replies quietly. “But the point is, apparently so do you.”  
  
For the first time since Jensen saw Jared go down – instinctively knowing it was a bad fall – he stops to think. “Holy shit,” Jensen breathes. “I do.” He can’t really explain it. It was like a shade being pulled back and letting everything in.  


 

  
“ _Jensen_ ,” Jared whispers, his lips quivering and Jensen wants to pull him into his arms and kiss him breathless, no matter who all is standing around. As he pushes against the memories, he can tell that there are still a few holes but mostly, he remembers everything.  
  
By this point the set medic has shown up and Jensen barely resists the urge to growl and grip Jared tighter when he’s gently pulled away from Jensen. They take him to the medical tent and Jensen follows, not wanting to let Jared out of his sight for a second. After a thorough exam they find out that Jared’s wrist is merely sprung. The medic wraps it and sends Jared home for the day, and tomorrow, with instructions to rest and ice it down.  
  
Clif drives them home and the entire thirty minute ride is made in silence. Jared keeps flashing him looks, outright staring at times, and for the life of him Jensen can’t read his expression. It’s worrying. Especially since he’s got nearly all his memories of Jared back and he knows him better than he’s ever known anyone.  
  
They’re both still silent as Jensen unlocks the door and leads Jared into the living room. Now that they’re alone, Jared is staring at him completely and Jensen feels the sudden, overwhelming urge to flee. He settles Jared on the couch and hurries into the kitchen, grabbing some aspirin, the ice pack, and a bottle of water. He fiddles and wastes as much time as he can then heads back into the living room.  
  
Jared takes the aspirin and water with a murmured thanks, lets Jensen prop his arm on one of the pillows and set the ice on it. Once he’s done, there’s nothing left for him to do and he just ends up hovering, which he knows that Jared can’t stand, especially when he’s hurting.  
  
“I, uh, I’m gonna…” Jensen trails off, not sure what excuse he could give to get away from the awkward tension. Things have never been awkward or tense between them and Jensen doesn’t know why it feels that way now.  
  
“Jensen, wait,” Jared says quickly, uninjured hand reaching out to grab Jensen’s hand.  
  
“What’s wrong? Do you need something?”  
  
“Yes,” Jared damn-near whispers, big hazel eyes glassy and red-rimmed though he’s not crying, not yet, “You.”  
  
Jensen plops down on the couch and Jared instantly curls up against his side, his face buried against Jensen’s neck. “I’m sorry,” Jared breathes. “I know ‘m bein’ weird but I just… You remembered and I… I’m just afraid to believe it’s true, that you’re really okay.”  
  
Jensen gets it. Even though the accident happened to him and he was the one without his memories, Jared probably suffered more. It’s never easy being the one left behind.  
  
Jensen tangles one hand in Jared’s hair, the other rubbing up and down his back. “I know, baby,” he replies softly, pressing a kiss to the top of Jared’s head. “I’m sorry you had to go through what you did…”  
  
“’s not your fault, Jen.”  
  
“No, I know that,” Jensen agrees. “But, I’m still sorry that it happened. I know it wasn’t easy on you.” Jensen noses through Jared’s hair, his eyes closed. “How ‘bout we go take a nap,” he suggests. “I know you haven’t slept worth shit lately and I’m gettin’ kinda tired myself.”  
  
Jared pulls back enough to look up at him. “Is your head hurting?” he asks, worry thick in his tone.  
  
“I’ve got a bit of a headache but I think ‘s just ‘cause I’m tired,” Jensen admits.  
  
  
Jensen leads him upstairs and they curl up in bed in just their boxer briefs, arms and legs tangled, and sleep the rest of the day and night.  
  
Jared wakes up the next morning, still waiting for the other shoe to drop.  
  
He wants to believe that things are back to normal, that  _Jensen_  is back to normal, but he’s afraid to. When Jensen ran to his side and started barking out orders, started acting like  _his_  Jensen, everything sort of hit him all over again, the days and weeks of being unsure, of missing Jensen even though he was right there the entire time. And Jared can admit that he sort of shut down.  
  
Jensen is a long, familiar line of warmth at this back, his arms wrapped tight around Jared. He closes his eyes again and smiles, lets out a deep breath. Rolling over slightly, he searches Jensen’s face. He looks so relaxed and at peace, still sound asleep, that Jared feels something relax in him in response.  
  
He flexes his wrist, smiling when there’s no pain, just a little stiffness. They’ve got the whole day off with nowhere to be and nothing to do and Jared doesn’t want to worry about Jensen worrying and hovering if he was still hurting, even the slightest bit. He finally has Jensen back, all of him, and he has plans to make up for lost time.  
  
Jensen blinks his eyes open slowly, his brow furrowing when he notices Jared watching him. Jared honestly can’t help it if he still feels a little like Jensen is just going to disappear again on him.  
  
“What’s wrong?” Jensen asks softly, his voice rough with sleep and a shiver shoots down Jared’s spine.  
  
“Nothing,” Jared murmurs, flashing Jensen a smile – a  _real_  smile.  
  
Jensen smirks, his eyes glittering in the early-morning sun. “You watchin’ me sleep then, Creeper?”  
  
Jared barely bites back the urge to giggle. His Jensen is back. “Maybe. So what if I am?”  
  
Jensen’s smirk turns downright dirty. “Got a few ideas of what I can do ‘bout it.” The smirk falls away though after a moment and Jared knows what’s coming next. In a way, he’s glad for it. Having Jensen hover and mother-hen him to death just means that Jensen is back and he’ll gladly take all the reminders he can get. “How’s your wrist?”  
  
“Good,” Jared smiles, holding his arm up, flexing his wrist. “No pain, just a little stiff. Be right as rain ‘fore you know it.” Jared wiggles closer, his legs tangling even more around Jensen’s. “Which means that you don’t have’ta treat me like ‘m broken,” he adds softly, pointedly.  
  
“Got somethin’ in mind?” Jensen asks, intense gaze never wavering from Jared’s.  
  
“Got a few ideas,” Jared echoes Jensen cheekily.  
  
“Yeah?” Jensen breathes.  
  
“Yeah. ‘s been weeks, Jen.” Jared can see the darkness and regret instantly flare in Jensen’s eyes. “No, hey, don’t. It’s okay. I just… I missed you, like this. That’s all I meant, babe.”  
  
“Still…”  
  
“No, no still,” Jared sighs, leaning forward to brush a kiss to Jensen’s lips. “Please don’t beat yourself up, okay? Don’t do that. It happened, that’s all that’s to it. I just wanna get our lives back now that it’s over.”  
  
Jensen reaches up and cups Jared’s jaw, his thumb brushing over Jared’s bottom lip. “I love you,” he whispers.  
  
“I love you, too,” Jared rasps, his stomach swooping like it always does when Jensen says the words. They don’t always say it, they don’t need to, but it always makes him feel like a freaking teenage girl when Jensen does. This time is even worse than usual, feels like the first time all over again. Desperate to break the maudlin mood before he breaks down in tears, Jared smirks and waggles his eyebrows. “Now, can we stop actin’ like girls and get back to what we were doing?”  
  
“And just what were we doin’?”  
  
“Well, I was tryin’ to get in your pants,” Jared grins.  
  
“By all means, don’t let me stop you,” Jensen teases, heat starting to smolder in his eyes. There’s still a shadow there, a darkness, that Jared knows only time will heal but he can wait. If he’s learned anything the last few weeks, he’ll do anything for Jensen, he’ll wait forever if he has to.  
  
Although Jared wants some hard, dirty, sweaty sex that leaves them both too weak to walk the rest of the day – and they’ll definitely get there – actually what Jared’s missed most is just being in Jensen’s arms, making out like teenagers, kissing and touching just for the sake of it, not as a real prelude to anything. And even though he doesn’t say anything – doesn’t really have to, Jensen knows him well enough – Jensen doesn’t disappoint.  
  
Jensen wraps his arms around Jared, one hand in his hair, their lips sliding together, slow and easy, for the longest time. By the time Jensen nudges at the seam of his lips with his tongue, Jared’s head is spinning and arousal is burning through him bone deep. Jensen hums in the back of his throat as the kiss deepens, tongues swirling together, hands starting to explore familiar, warm skin.  
  
Jensen is a master at all things sexual but he excels specifically at foreplay. There have been so many times in the past few years that the man has spent  _hours_  kissing and touching, torturing Jared in the best possible sense of the word. Jared wishes he had that kind of patience today. Maybe later. Because they sure as hell aren’t leaving this bed for anything aside from food until tomorrow morning.  
  
Jared nudges Jensen, following as he rolls over onto his back, ends up straddling Jensen’s lean hips. Jensen’s hands are tangled in Jared’s hair, their chests and hips pressed together, nothing between them but sweat and two thin layers of cotton – which Jared plans to get rid of pretty damn soon.  
  
Jensen slides one hand down his back, over the curve of his ass, down his thigh, then back up, over and over, and Jared can’t stop himself from rocking forward, just slightly, just enough to get a bit of friction. He moans into the kiss that they haven’t broken yet and tilts his hips, angling for a better position. Jensen finally pulls back, his lips kiss-bruised and slick, eyes dark and heavy-lidded. Jared wants so badly he can’t even speak, can barely think.  
  
Jensen rolls him back over and sits back on his heels between Jared’s spread thighs. Warm, strong hands circle his waist, thumbs brushing just beneath the elastic waistband of his boxer briefs and Jared lifts his hips, not able to look away, caught up and mesmerized by the look in Jensen’s eyes. Jensen doesn’t look away either, stripping off Jared’s underwear – tossing them blindly over his shoulder – but leaves his own on. Jared’s about to complain, opens his mouth to beg if he has to, but before he can say anything, Jensen settles on his stomach, Jared’s legs draped over his shoulders.  
  
Jensen dips his head and nuzzles his nose against the crease of Jared’s groin then down, against his full, heavy balls and Jared inhales sharply, reaches up and grabs the metal slats of their headboard, his thighs trembling. Jensen flashes him a smirk and a wink then draws Jared’s sac between his lips, sucking and licking at first one ball then the other. Jared’s fingers tighten around the headboard and he pulls, can feel the strain of muscle along his shoulders and chest, his head pressing back against the pillow.  
  
Jensen brings one hand up and swirls his fingers over the head of Jared’s cock, through the pre-come leaking from the slit, smears the wetness around the tip and under the ridge, over the sensitive bundle of nerves. Jared bites his bottom lip, his eyes squeezing closed when Jensen’s fingers move down his stiff shaft, his hold loose, setting a slow, steady pace, wrist twisting on the upstroke. It’s enough to keep Jared on edge but not enough to get him off. He kind of wants to cry it feels so damn good.  
  
Jensen’s tongue laves over his balls then behind, the tip pushing against his perineum and Jared mewls. Even though he’s pretty sure where this is going, almost expecting it even, when Jensen’s tongue moves lower, sweeping over his rim, Jared’s whole body jerks and he cries out, his back arching. Jensen reaches beneath him with one hand and grabs his ass, the other hand still slowly fisting his cock. It’s too much and when Jensen hums and pushes his tongue passed the tight ring of muscle, he can’t hold out, doesn’t even have a chance in hell of trying. He moans brokenly, pretty sure he says Jensen’s name, or maybe it’s just gibberish, his stomach contracting as he comes so hard it nearly hurts, thick, sticky bursts of his release almost hitting his chin.  
  
Jensen hums again and pulls back, his hand not moving but still cradling Jared’s twitching length. He crawls up Jared’s boneless body, smiling soft and loving and just a little smug, and brushes a kiss to Jared’s lips. Jared’s still panting, his chest heaving, his heart feeling like it’s about to pound right out of his chest.  
  
“You okay?” Jensen asks. “Did I break you?”  
  
“Almost,” Jared rasps.  
  
“Don’t give up on me yet, baby,” Jensen murmurs, kissing him again. “’m just gettin’ started.”  
  
Jensen’s laugh when Jared groans is one of the most beautiful things Jared’s ever seen or heard.  
  
  
Jensen waits until Jared’s not breathing quite as hard and kisses his way down his chest, resettling between his long, muscular legs. He’s still holding onto the headboard, his legs spread wide around Jensen’s shoulders, knees bent, feet flat on the bed. There are streaks of come on his stomach and chest and his cheeks are flushed, strands of hair stuck to his cheeks and forehead with sweat. He’s fucking gorgeous and Jensen kind of just wants to lie here and stare at him forever. But he’s hard enough that he’s starting to ache and as much as he wants to watch Jared he wants to move this along even more.  
  
Reaching up, Jensen swipes his fingers through the mess on Jared’s stomach then drops his hand back between his legs, pressing the tips of two fingers against his entrance. Jared’s lips part and he moans low in his throat, his soft cock twitching in Jensen’s loose hold, already struggling to get hard again.  
  
Dipping his head, Jensen flicks his tongue out, licking around Jared’s rim and his own fingers, tasting Jared’s salty-sweet release and the darker, muskier flavor of his hole. Jensen groans and pushes forward, practically burying his face in the cleft of Jared’s ass, his tongue and fingers slipping inside the loosening ring of muscle. Jared moans, writhing beneath him, his legs trembling, his back arching, and Jensen pulls his head back, wanting to watch as pleasure wracks Jared’s huge frame.  
  
He reaches up and quickly swipes up more of Jared’s come and then pushes both fingers inside, his cock twitching at the tight, clutching heat. There’s something filthily arousing about using Jared’s own come to open him up and if the way Jared is moaning and keening is any indication, Jensen isn’t the only one who thinks that.  
  
He slips a third finger inside, twisting and stretching, making sure to hit Jared’s prostate on every other thrust or so, his other hand slowly, carefully stroking the base of Jared’s quickly rehardening cock. Jared’s whole body is glistening with a sheen of sweat, his muscles trembling, his head pressing back into the pillow, arching the long, beautiful line of his neck. Jensen crawls forward, kissing and nipping at Jared’s pounding pulse, the strong curve of his jaw, up to his bitten-red lips.  
  
“Jensen,” Jared breathes, letting go of the headboard, his arms wrapping around Jensen’s shoulders. The way he has to twist his wrist is uncomfortable and awkward but he ignores it, keeps thrusting his fingers inside Jared as they kiss, wet and dirty and desperate. “Please, babe. Need you,” Jared begs, the words smeared against Jensen’s lips.  
  
Jensen nods and kisses him again, once, twice, before pulling away. Jared inhales deeply, his darkened gaze tracking Jensen’s every move as he finally strips off his own boxer briefs and reaches for the lube they keep in the drawer of the bedside table. Jensen’s hand is shaking slightly as he slicks himself up, pushing a bit of the excess into Jared’s loosened hole.  
  
They kiss again as Jensen reaches between them, lining himself up. Jared gasps when he pushes forward but he doesn’t stop, knowing that Jared doesn’t like starting and stopping, that he prefers one long slide, that he enjoys the bit of burn and stretch. He does stop when he’s in all the way, the heavy swell of his balls brushing the soft curve of Jared’s ass. Jared pulls away from the kiss and smiles up at him, his eyes glittering, as he reaches for Jensen, his hand sliding against Jensen’s. Their fingers tangle together and Jared brings their hands up, pressing a kiss to Jensen’s fingers.  
  
“’m good,” Jared breathes and Jensen shifts his weight to his knees and the hand not tangled with Jared’s.  
  
Jared wraps his legs around Jensen’s waist and his arm tightens around Jensen’s shoulders and they manage to start moving together, falling into a familiar, easy rhythm. They’re wrapped around each other, touching as much as possible, and Jensen can’t really get the leverage he usually has or the strength behind his thrusts but he likes being this close, likes that even he’s having a hard time telling where he ends and Jared begins.  
  
They’ve been doing this for years but Jensen can honestly say that it still feels like the first time, every time. Jared is hot and tight around him, mewling and gasping, writhing, his back arching beautifully off the mattress. Jared’s the most responsive person he’s ever been with and he puts his whole heart and soul into it, just like he does with all aspects of his life.  
  
Jared slides his hand up the back of Jensen’s neck, palming the back of his head, fingertips just barely digging into his scalp. His cock is hard and leaking again, trapped between their stomachs and he meets Jensen thrust for thrust. He’s not going to last much longer, as much as he’d love to hold out. It just feels too damn good.  
  
“’m close, baby,” Jensen murmurs, brushing a kiss to Jared’s lips.  
  
Jared nods, licking his lips when Jensen pulls back. “Me too,” he rasps. “Feels so good, Jen.”  
  
Jensen hums in agreement. Jared pulls his hand away from Jensen’s head and snakes it between them, long fingers curling around his stiff length. Jensen can feel Jared’s knuckles scraping his abs on every stroke and the sensation just pushes him even closer to the edge. “C’mon, Jay,” he pants, picking up the rhythm of his hips, pushing in deep and hard, angling to hit Jared’s sweet spot every time. “Come for me.”  
  
A few more twists of his wrist, a few more hard hits to his prostate and Jared cries out, his eyes fluttering but not closing, his gaze never wavering from Jensen’s. Jared tightens his fingers around the hand he’s still clinging to and his legs tighten, his inner muscles contracting around Jensen as he comes, sticky-warmth smearing between them. Jensen only lasts another handful of thrusts before coming as well, pushing in deep as he unloads inside Jared in thick pulses.  
  
They’re still panting when they collapse against the mattress, still tangled around each other, on their sides facing each other. Jared tucks his head under Jensen’s chin, his fingers brushing over Jensen’s spine, feather-light and almost ticklish, but he’s used to Jared’s need to touch and he wouldn’t dream of asking him to stop.  
  
“I love you,” Jared whispers against his neck, his warm breath making Jensen shiver where it brushes against his sweat-slick skin.  
  
“I love you, too,” Jensen whispers back, burying his nose in the top of Jared’s hair.  
  
  
Jared wakes up to the sensation of Jensen kissing his neck, his jaw, behind his ear.  
  
He doesn’t remember falling asleep but one quick glance at the clock shows that a few hours have passed. Jared’s on his back with Jensen draped half across his side, legs tangled, Jensen’s once-again hard cock brushing against his hip.  
  
It’s a nice way to wake up, that’s for sure.  
  
Jensen hums softly and Jared can feel him smiling against his neck. Jared reaches up and palms the back of his head, smiling when Jensen pulls back enough to look down at him.  
  
“Hey,” Jensen murmurs.  
  
“Hi,” Jared whispers back, feels his dimples digging into his cheeks with how wide he’s smiling. God, he’s so glad all this is over, that they can get back to their lives and put this whole mess behind them.  
  
Even though they’re both obviously more than ready for round two, Jensen forces him out of bed – even makes him throw on a pair of sweats – and leads him to the kitchen. He tries to insist that he’s fine but Jensen just raises an eyebrow and points out that he knows Jared, knows that he hasn’t been eating right through all this. Of course Jensen is right – and Jared  _is_  starving – he would still rather be snuggled up in bed.  
  
They sit at the table side by side, ankles tangled together, and talk about nothing and everything, flirting and teasing, and it’s like nothing ever happened, like it was all just some bad dream. Except every now and then Jensen will get quiet and Jared can see a dark shadow pass through his eyes and he knows that Jensen is remembering. He wants to be able to help, to take that darkness away, to once again tell Jensen that he doesn’t need to be sorry but there’s no use. As much as Jared hates it, this is something that Jensen needs to get over himself. It’s something that Jared needs to  _let_  him get over himself. And that’s the hard part. Jared is a fixer. He can’t stand to see people that he loves hurting. And he feels horrible when he can’t do anything about it.  
  
Jared cleans up from their late breakfast while Jensen goes out onto the back deck to call his parents and his siblings. Which kinda reminds Jared that he needs to do the same. He makes the call quick, afraid that talking about it again, especially with his momma, will make him start crying again. As it is, even the short call leaves him with a too tight throat and his eyes stinging.  
  
Jensen takes much longer. Not that Jared blames him. The urge to go out there and at least stand with Jensen, silently supporting, is strong but Jared fights the urge, forces himself to sit on the couch and wait. Jensen finally comes back inside after nearly a half hour and curls up against Jared’s side on the couch, his nose a bit chilly where the weather is starting to change when he tucks his face against Jared’s neck. Jared doesn’t ask, doesn’t push, knows that if Jensen needs or wants to, he’ll talk when he’s ready. Instead he just wraps his arms around Jensen’s broad shoulders and holds him close.  
  
After a while Jensen pulls away and stands up, wordlessly holding one hand out to Jared, pulling him up off the couch and up the stairs. They strip in silence and Jensen crawls onto the mattress, pulling Jared down with him, spreading his legs wide around Jared’s hips. Jared’s surprised but he doesn’t show it, doesn’t ask. It’s not that they _never_  do it this way but it doesn’t happen often, usually when Jensen is feeling vulnerable and upset but can’t talk about it, when he just needs Jared to take the lead and let Jensen not think, needs Jared to make him feel loved and safe.  
  
Jared uses way too much lube and opens Jensen slowly, ignoring the muttered pleas and the insistence that he’s ready, that he can take it. He kisses Jensen soft and gentle when he finally pushes inside, holding him close as he rocks into him, barely moving, kissing the entire time. Jensen moans brokenly, almost a sob really, and comes without a hand on him, his eyes squeezed closed and his arms wrapped around Jared’s shoulders tight, as if he’s afraid he’ll fly away. Jared pushes in deep and follows, peppering kisses all over Jensen’s face, ignoring the salty tang of tears for both their sakes.  
  
After, Jared curls up on his side, Jensen plastered against his back, both arms still tight around him. It’s sometimes easier for Jensen to talk if they’re not face to face.  
  
“My parents wanna come up,” Jensen eventually murmurs, pressing a kiss to the back of Jared’s neck, nuzzling through his hair. “I told ‘em we’re so behind on filming that we won’t have the time. D’you have any idea how bad I feel ‘bout that? I made my mom cry. Again.” Jared knows it’s a rhetorical question. He hums softly to let Jensen know he’s listening, to urge him to continue. “I just… I feel terrible but I just can’t deal with it right now, ya know? It’s gonna be hard enough dealin’ with everyone at work. Just knowin’ that we gotta jump right back into that storyline…” Jensen trails off, his arms tightening around Jared even more, his lips resting against Jared’s shoulder.  
  
Jared slides his hand over Jensen’s arm, tangles their fingers together. “They won’t leave Sam like this for long,” Jared replies softly.  
  
“I know that. Hell, I knew it weeks ago. But it still doesn’t feel right. And I can’t help but feel that what happened was because’a that. I was already strugglin’, you know that. And when I… when I got hurt, if things hadn’t been so fucked between Sam and Dean, maybe things wouldn’t have been so bad between us, maybe I wouldn’t’ve hurt you so bad.”  
  
Jared sighs and tilts his head back, presses a kiss to Jensen’s temple. It won’t do a damn bit of good to argue with him. He’s a lot like Dean in that regard. He’s not quite as big on the self-blame but when he does, he’s just as damn bad, maybe worse.  
  
“I’m okay, Jen,” Jared insists. “ _We’re_  okay. And Sam and Dean will be okay.” In any other relationship, with any other characters, Jared would feel mildly ridiculous talking about the brothers like they’re real people but not with Jensen, not with their show. They’ve worked so hard and put so much of themselves into the Winchesters, that they are just as important as real people. “You’re back now and honestly, to me, that’s all that matters. The rest of it… It just doesn’t, okay?” Jared turns his head enough to kiss the corner of Jensen’s lips then turns back around. “I just want things to go back to normal,” he whispers, his eyes sliding closed. “I don’t wanna end up losing you, losing us, because’a this.”  
  
“Not gonna lose me, baby,” Jensen murmurs, kissing the side of Jared’s face. “I’m not goin’ anywhere. You’re stuck with me.”  
  
“Good,” Jared smiles. He can feel Jensen’s length pressing against his ass, half hard, and he decides that he’s over this conversation. If Jensen needs to talk, they’ll talk, but right now, Jared  _wants_. It’s been weeks after all and they’ve got a lot of time to make up for.  
  
He tilts his hips back, biting down on his bottom lip when Jensen’s cock slips into the cleft of his ass. Jensen moans softly and rocks forward, nipping at the curve of Jared’s shoulder. “Yeah?” Jensen breathes.  
  
“Hell yeah,” Jared rasps. Jensen slips easily inside him, rocking slowly, almost lazily. They spend the rest of the day and night tangled together, sometimes kissing and touching, other times just holding each other and talking. It’s perfect, exactly what Jared needs – what  _they_  need – and when Jared finally falls asleep in the early morning hours, he’s sure that they’re going to be just fine.  
  
  
Jensen feels bad lying to Jared but he’s pretty sure that his boyfriend won’t understand why he has to do this. He stares at the door to the hotel, not sure what he’s going to say but knowing that he needs to face this, to say _something_. What Danneel did is unforgiveable. Even though he wasn’t in his right mind at the time, she had to have known that the last thing he would have wanted was to cheat on Jared.  
  
Danni opens the door when he knocks, her eyes widening slightly when she sees him then a slow smirk curls one side of her lips. “Just can’t stay away, can you?” Jensen realizes that she thinks he might still be Dean, or at the very least that he still hasn’t regained his memories completely.  
  
“You gonna let me in?”  
  
“You gonna run out on me again?” Danneel shoots back but still stands aside and lets him in.  
  
Jensen waits until she closes the door and turns to face him then sighs, his arms crossing over his chest. “What exactly were you hopin’ to get outta this, Danni?”  
  
Danneel opens her lips then snaps them shut, her eyes widening almost comically. “Jensen,” she whispers.  
  
“In the flesh,” Jensen drawls. “And with all my memories. What the hell were you thinkin’? You  _know_  how much I love Jared. And you had to know that eventually I’d get my memories back. Or were you hopin’ that I wouldn’t?”  
  
“I don’t know, okay!” Danni snaps, pacing away from him. She stops, her back to him, her shoulders slumped. “Can you really blame me though?” she whispers. “I had a chance with you again. I wasn’t thinking about the consequences.”  
  
“You could’a ruined things with me and Jared,” Jensen grits out. “And why? All because you saw an opportunity to relive the old days?”  
  
“No,” Danni sighs, finally turning back toward him, her eyes miserable. “I saw a chance to get you to love me again.”  
  
“Danni, I wasn’t  _me_ ,” Jensen frowns.  
  
“Close enough. And you finally looked at me again, I was finally more important than Jared. Jesus, Jensen, I’m your damn wife!”  
  
“In name only, Danni. You know that. You knew it from the jump when we talked about all this PR crap. Jared is the love of my life.”  
  
“You loved me once,” she whispers.  
  
“I did,” Jensen agrees. “Now, it’s like I don’t even know you. The girl that I loved, she never would’a done this, she wouldn’t’a tried to hurt me or Jared.” Her jaw clenches and she looks away, tears in her eyes. “You really hate him that much?”  
  
“He has you,” she mutters. “How can I not hate him?”  
  
“Even if we weren’t together, I’d still love him, Dan. I loved him long before I told him so.”  
  
“I know,” she breathes. “Believe me, I know.”  
  
Jensen sighs, flopping down on the edge of the bed. He’s not sure what the hell to do at this point, where the hell they’re supposed to go from here. Still being in love with him is one thing, hell even hating Jared too, but what she did, what she could have cost him… That’s something altogether different. He can’t get past that, can’t understand where she was coming from, what she thought she’d gain.  
  
“It’s been years, Danni,” Jensen eventually says softly, mostly just thinking out-loud. “If you still felt this way, why didn’t you say something? Why’d you just go along with this?” She looks away from him again, her eyes dropping to the floor in front of his feet. “You didn’t think it’d last,” he realizes, his eyes widening as he shakes his head. “You thought that Jared and I wouldn’t make it and that I’d come back to you because we’re already married.”  
  
Danneel shrugs one shoulder, her arms wrapped around her waist. “What do you want me to say, Jensen?” she eventually snaps, her bottom lip quivering. “No, okay. No, I didn’t think it’d last and yeah, I thought the chances of you coming back to me were pretty good. Fuck, what was I supposed to do when I’m still in love with you?”  
  
Jensen’s shoulders slump and he rubs one hand down over his face. “What you’ve done, in the past and now? That’s not the answer, Danni. You should’a been honest with me.”  
  
“What good would that have done?” she asks, rolling her eyes. “You’d just tell me again what I already knew, that you’re so in love with Jared.”  
  
“At least I’ve been honest,” he shrugs.  
  
“So what now?” she eventually asks, the silence stretching out strained and awkward for several long minutes.  
  
“I… Things can’t change yet,” Jensen mutters. “The show’s still going strong and Jared and I aren’t ready to make that leap. If it’s… If this is too much, we can wait a few months and quietly divorce.”  
  
“Jensen, that’s not…”  
  
“You obviously have a problem with Jared and our relationship,” Jensen interrupts. “And then there’s your feelings to consider…”  
  
“Look, we hardly see each other as it is, and I see Jared even less,” Danni replies evenly, her shoulders pulling back, the hurt and anger fading from her expression. “We can just keep things as they are until you two are ready, or whatever.”  
  
“What about what happened the last few weeks?” Jensen asks. “Is this gonna be a problem that we’re gonna have to deal with again?”  
  
“No, I get it, okay?” she mutters. “I’ll keep my distance and work on getting over you. And I’ll keep acting like the doting wife.” Jensen doesn’t think it’s a good idea to point out that she’s never really acted like that. “Look, I’m sorry, Jensen,” she adds sincerely. “I was wrong, okay? I know that. And I’m sorry for what I put Jared through. I mean, worrying about you… I just added to that and that wasn’t right.”  
  
Jensen pushes himself up off the bed and reaches out, pulling her into a quick but awkward hug. “I’m glad to hear that. And Jared will be too.” He flashes her a small smile, wishing that it hadn’t come to this, that she would have been honest from the beginning. Even though nothing is changing, really everything has changed. She was once one of his best friends and it’ll be a long time before he can trust her again, if ever. “Head on home, okay? I’ll call in a few weeks, see how you’re doing.”  
  
“Okay,” she agrees softly, her voice sounding a little thick. “Take care, alright? Continue to get better. And no more scaring the shit outta everyone.”  
  
He leaves after placing a brief, chaste kiss to her forehead, ignoring the way the tears in her eyes make him feel like crap. She brought this on herself, he shouldn’t feel bad but he sort of does. He doesn’t agree with what she did but he does understand being desperately in love with someone.  
  
The drive home takes less than ten minutes – he may have broken a few traffic laws here and there – and he rushes inside, his heart pounding against his chest when he finds Jared sitting in the living room, waiting for him. The dimpled smile he gets makes his knees weak and he can almost understand Danneel in that moment. He’d do absolutely anything to keep Jared smiling like that at him for the rest of his life.  
  
  
EPILOGUE  


  
“You're quiet.”  
  
Jared jerks slightly when he hears Jensen's voice behind him, so lost in his own thoughts that he hadn't heard him. Jared doesn't turn around, still looking out the window into the back yard, watching Harley and Sadie chase each other. Jensen's hands slide over his hips, his chest pressing up against Jared's back, Jensen's chin hooked over his shoulder. Jared smiles and closes his eyes, leaning his head back, his temple pressed against Jensen's.  
  
It had taken a few months but everything slowly settled down.  
  
Jensen got a little better every day until he was back to a hundred percent and they worked their asses off for a few weeks to catch up with what they missed while Jensen was in the hospital.  
  
Jared was upset when he found out that Jensen went to confront Danneel but he couldn't stay mad for long. He understood why Jensen did it, even understood why Jensen didn’t tell him, but they don’t keep secrets like that from each other and that was the part that made Jared angry, that hurt.  
  
Jared of course hasn’t talked to Danni but Jensen has a few times, even going so far as to make a few weekend trips to LA just to make things seem like they’re still good between them, even if they’re really not. Things are still strained and Jared knows Jensen, knows it’ll be a long time before he forgets, even if he’s forgiven her.  
  
And even though things between Jared and Jensen were already amazing, all this just somehow managed to make them even closer. Jared’s never taken Jensen for granted, he loves him too much for that, but after almost losing everything he definitely takes the time to appreciate their life together more. They still work long, crazy hours but Jared – and Jensen – make sure to  _always_  make time for each other, no matter how tired or grumpy or emotionally wrecked they are.  
  
Jensen turns his head and presses a kiss to Jared's temple, nuzzling his nose through Jared's hair. While things are back to normal, both at home and at work, there are still times when Jared gets caught up in his head – Jensen too but not as often it seems. He doesn't try to go there, doesn't like where his thoughts end up, but there are just times when Jared can't help but think about what happened, the fear and the hurt and the desperation. Jensen is usually really good about sensing when his thoughts go there, when his mood turns a little dark and does his best to bring Jared out of it.  
  
Jared reaches back and palms the back of Jensen's head, his fingers brushing over the small, barely-there scar that Jensen's hair mostly hides. No one else but Jared knows that it's there, a tiny but constant reminder of what he has and what he stands to lose, what he almost lost.  
  
“Wanna talk about it?” Jensen continues softly, his hands sliding under Jared's t-shirt to rest on his belly. The touch isn't a prelude to anything, it's not even sexual. It's just Jensen grounding him, like always, skin to skin, the best way to remind Jared that he didn't lose Jensen.  
  
Jared opens his eyes and catches their reflection in the window. Their eyes lock and Jared inhales deeply, snuggling back further into Jensen's embrace. “Nah. I'm good.” Jensen smiles at him and squeezes his arms briefly around Jared's waist and they stand in silence and watch the dogs for the longest time. Later, Jared will pull Jensen away from the window to the living room and crawl into his lap on the couch and they'll make-out like horny teenagers until neither can stand the wait anymore and then Jared will ride Jensen, slow and steady, until they're both spent and sated. But for right now, Jared just needs this, the peace and Jensen's quiet strength holding him up, holding him together.  It's the quiet times, the simple things, that he's learned to appreciate the most. 

 


End file.
